Lord...What's Next?

This past year, I have heard more stories of people suffering than I have at any other time in my life.  Even if this country wasn't in a recession right now (and I don't care what the experts say...we're not out of it yet folks), there has been a cloud of hardship that has people I care about truly struggling to get through life.

Just since January, I personally know:

7 husbands who are looking for work to support their familes

1 family who lost their 8 month old baby boy

1 mother who was told just last week she has terminal cancer
One family whose son had to have surgery to treat a staph infection
A friend who had to have extensive surgery on her foot
A family whose daughter had to be hospitalized for treatment of anorexia
Several people who are fighting clinical depression
One family trying to deal with a difficult medical diagnosis that has no cure

When people I care about are suffering...it always puts things into perspective, because it certainly takes what seemed like big issues at the time and makes them small, trivial matters.  Our society scorns suffering...at any level, and frankly, we are spoiled because we are lend to believe there's a quick solution to any problem, medicine to fix any pain, and enough money will buy our happiness. 

There's just one problem with these solutions.

They're all temporary. 

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away.  Seriously...I do.  It's all I can do to not cry, throw a tantrum, throw up my hands and say, "Okay...that's IT!"

I wish I could have a private conversation with God.  I know prayer is private...but you know what I mean. 

I'd love to say something like, "God, don't you think my friends have had enough?  Don't you think they've been knocked down enough?  Please Lord...they barely have any hope left!"

But I know the only thing I can do is pray.  And honestly...that's hard for me.  Give me a problem and right away, I'll try to figure out a solution.  I know I should turn it over to God, but that darn Type A personality has a hard time letting go, even when it comes to someone besides myself. 

I know I'm supposed to let go and let God. 

I really don't ask God why.  I believe God allows certain events to happen.  Even when we are are are lowest, in the darkest places, He is still there.  Only when we ourselves are nailed to a cross do we cling even more steadfast to His promise,

I will never leave you, I will never forsake you. 

And some of those crosses, are the biggest, most painful crosses I have ever seen.

The hardest part is waiting for God's plan to be revealed.  We might wait just a few days.  But most of the time...it's far longer.  We might not see it for months, or years.  It might be never. 

I'm tired of seeing my friends doing the best they can...praying as hard as they ever have...and still, they suffer. 

But...I know I can't give up.  I have to have hope for them...it's about the only thing they have left.  That and faith...a strong, lasting faith...that God WILL see them through. 

The light shines through the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.  John 1:5

4, 2, and K

I had a 4th grader, a 2nd grader, and a kindergartner start school today.

Whoa...wait a minute....is that right?

Yep, it's true. Sigh...

And I can't even bear the though of my little angel boy in school...or I'll start bawling...hard.

But they're still so stinkin' cute, don't you think?

Even though Joshua wouldn't smile for this shot...

Rebecca was anxious to see if any of her friends from last year would be in her class.

Christina was excited and wanted to wear the same shirt as her big sister. She needed a bit of a push going into her classroom, but was all smiles when I left. I had a lump in my throat, but didn't cry.

It was so quiet when we got back to the house. Gabriel called out, "Becca, Becca?" I told him she was at school. He seemed to accept the answer, but I think he was sad too.

They're all back home now...safe and sound. Joshua said his first day was "good." Rebecca was happy to have a friend from kindergarten in her class. Christina told me she wants to buy pizza for lunch next Monday :-).

As for me...I enjoyed my day too, but I missed all my kiddos somethin' fierce.

Last Summer Hurrah

1 weekend trip to San Antonio: FUN!!!

Lunch with the great-grandparents (and the only pics we took the entire weekend...oops): FREE

Staying at the 4 star Hyatt Hill Country Resort for a Fullness of Truth Conference: $240

Endless trips tubing around the "lazy river" and the resort pool: FREE (with hotel stay)

Forgetting to pack PJ's for both Rebecca and myself: FUNNY! (we made do with t-shirts from David...thank goodness he had enough to go around!)

Kids having donuts for breakfast, SUBWAY for lunch, and pizza for dinner every night: Their idea of heaven ($60 for us)

S'mores and a movie on the lawn of the resort Saturday night: FREE (with hotel stay)

Hearing the top Catholic theologians speak about the Gospel of John--Scott Hahn, Brant Pitre, Michael Barber, and John Bergsma: AWESOME (and all for only $140)

David buying 3 more books and one set of 22 CD's: $$$

One last hurrah for the summer: PRICELESS

Super Mom

Today, I...

Got up at 7AM.

Had everyone else up, dressed, and fed by 8:30.

Swept and moped the kitchen floor.

Speech therapist came at 9, said Gabriel is progressing nicely :-).

While she worked with Gabriel, I helped everyone pack their bags for our trip to San Antonio tomorrow.

Finished packing my suitcase.

After speech, picked up the babysitter.

Dropped the babysitter and Gabriel off at the house.

Took the rest of the kids shopping for the last things they needed for school.

Joshua got:

socks and a t-shirt that says, "Awesome ends with ME."

Rebecca got:

socks, underwear, a lunchbox, 3 pairs of bermuda shorts, a dress, and leggings to match.

Christina got:

socks, underwear, 2 pairs of bermuda shorts, a dress, leggings to match, and a Pokemon plush toy (with the last of her birthday money).

Poor Gabriel didn't get anything except an ice pack for his lunchbox...but he has plenty of clothes, socks, etc.

In between stores, stopped at McDonald's for lunch. Let the kids get whatever they wanted, 'cause I'm a good mom ;-).

Made it home after 4 hours of store-hopping. Took the babysitter home.

Endured non-stop heckling, whining, and complaining from Rebecca all the way back to the house (she was tired, hungry, thirsty...but I felt like I was pecked by 1,000 ducks).

Checked my inbox when we got home...I had 21 emails (mostly from Facebook...good grief).

Washed the 24 pairs of socks and 19 pairs of underwear we bought today. Girls HAD to have them to wear on the first day of school, of course.

Made one cake, cooled it, mixed it with frosting into 48 cake balls, and put 'em in the freezer.

(I'll finish them Sunday night when we get home from the trip).

Called my better half, said he'd be home later...was in a meeting until 6:30, and needed to finish up a few things :-( .

Reheated leftovers for dinner and cleaned up the kitchen.

Had the kids fold all their new underwear and socks and put it away.

Got everyone into PJ's, brushed teeth, clipped 40 fingers and 40 toes, said prayers, and had kids in bed by 8:25 PM.

Rounded up the last few things for the trip...movies for the kids to watch, camera, batteries, cell phone charger, snacks, water bottles...

Had a late dinner of tuna fish on Ritz crackers. Cleaned up the kitchen again.

Finished this blog post and posted it.

Kissed the hubby goodnight (who made it home at 9:30) and went to bed.

Just call me Super Mom.

Gem of the Week

I saw this while window shopping in a consignment store...I think it was on a cute little pillow.

Dance as though no one is watching.

Love as though you've never been hurt.

Sing as though no one can hear you.

Live as though heaven is on earth.

~Souza~

Revelation

About 3 weeks ago, the kids were talking amongst themselves in the van while I ran errands. Joshua and Rebecca told me they loved Daddy more because he always said "yes," but I always say, "no." They said they didn't understand this, and I couldn't tell them the reason why. At the time, it honestly didn't hurt my feelings, since it is true. But I didn't have time to dwell on the why of it all.

I was able to go on a 1/2 day retreat this past Saturday, and the answer came to me right before lunch. I hurriedly wrote my thoughts down in a little journal I use when I go on retreats, or any spiritual thoughts. Sometime this week, I hope to sit Joshua and Rebecca down and give them an answer to their question. This is what I wrote:

When I say "no," it's not because I love you less than Daddy. It's because I love you just as much, maybe more. I say, "no" because I see you as a child, and you need to learn self-control and self-discipline. If I say, "yes" all the time, you will come to believe you will always get your way, and get what you want, and this is what makes you happy. Hearing, "no" forces you to cope with the situation at that moment. You may not like me saying, "no," but you will learn to deal with it.

Daddy says, "yes" more often than I do because he misses you when he's at work all day long. He also wants to you be happy, when he is spending time with you. He is trying to make up for the time he was gone. Since I am home with you all day, I see opportunities to teach you, to help you grow as a person of character.

So...I do say, "no" a lot, more often than Daddy. But it's part of my job, because it will also teach you how to handle conflicts yourself. Later on, when you are grown, if someone says, "no" to you, you'll have to decide if you want to work hard enough to get to, "yes" or have self-control to accept the "no."

Score One for Mom (and Dad!)

I made chocolate chip cookies today...and I tell you, Gabriel had his eyes on them from the moment they came out of the oven. I decided not to give him one though, because it was just before dinner, and like any good mom, I didn't want to ruin his appetite ;-).

We had turkey meatballs and pasta for dinner. Now Gabriel sometimes balks at dinnertime...not because he's not hungry, but because he's decided to be stubborn. I've been telling David not to let Gabriel sit on his lap while he's trying to eat, because he let Christina do that...and it took us years (literally) to finally get Christina to sit at the table and eat her dinner, without whining the ENTIRE time. She would never eat dinner, and David would just let her go get a cup of applesauce out of the fridge so he could eat in peace. I really don't blame him...any man would want a nice dinner at home after a long day at work. But I'm determined not to let Gabriel fall into the same habit.

So Gabriel fussed and fussed after I gave him his plate. He sat on David's lap for a minute, and I told David (begged him really) to please put him in his chair, and let him cry. Well, he did, and after a few more minutes, Gabriel got down without eating a bite.

By now, all the other kids were finished and happily munching away on chocolate chip cookies. Gabriel howled in protest...he certainly thought he deserved one. But we keep telling him, "If you want a cookie, you have to eat your dinner. " That just made him break out in fresh tears every time. You'd think we were torturing the poor kid...okay, we were...but it's for his own good, darn it!

Everyone ran outside to go play and ride bikes, except David and Gabriel. I was on the couch, nursing my big toe (my neighbor's little girl dropped her scooter right on it, and man...it hurt). Gabriel was still holding out for a cookie, but David held firm (thank you darling!). Gabriel gulped down one more sob, climbed into his booster seat, and started to eat his dinner.

He kept on eating...David and I cheered him on...and he finished that plate in less than 5 minutes. 2 meatballs and 6 pieces of rigatoni pasta. Well...we were hungry after all! We praised him, kissed his sweet cheeks, and gave him his cookie. You never saw a toddler so happy...he held that cookie with both hands like it was precious treasure, and was happy as a clam :-).

I looked at David and said, "See, I told you, he's smart, and he totally understands that he has to eat dinner first." David just went on doing the dishes...but I'm sure he sees it too. He is rarely home to eat dinner with us, so I was glad he was the one being tough, instead of me!

Today's Score:

Gabriel 0

Mom and Dad 2

I wonder what tomorrow's score will be? Gosh, we're such mean parents!

Christina is 5

Christina has been talking about her birthday for months. It's been a very big deal for her...and she's been saying things like:

"When I turn 5, I get to go to kindergarten. I can ride the bus. I will wear Rebecca's clothes. I know...I'll jump in the pool! " She really believes she can do anything at 5 years old. I decided not to tell her there were a few things she'd have to wait on until she is older.

Her birthday has been a weekend long celebration. Yesterday, we went to the beach. A good time was had by all! Christina told me her favorite part was jumping over the waves :-).

She opened her presents after Mass this morning...

and after lunch, armed with birthday gift cards, I took Christina shopping. She's a smart shopper...and decided on a new floor puzzle, a pair of jeans, a cute short-sleeved hoodie for school, AND a new backpack. I got a little lump in my throat when she put it on and walked with me to check-out...my little girl is starting kindergarten in 3 weeks!

Christina showed off her Hello Kitty backpack when she got home. The little tiara on her head says, "Birthday Girl." And yes...except for Mass, she wore it ALL DAY.

We have a tradition of letting our kids pick where they want to go for dinner on their birthdays, and Christina picked Ci-Ci's Pizza. She had one slice of cheese pizza and 2 brownies...go figure!

Once back home, she blew her candles out over a 2 layer birthday cake with pink frosting, pink and green sprinkles, and pink candles. Yep, she's still a pink freak.

Here's the funny thing...I made cake ball lollipops to have Saturday night, per Christina's request. We still have a dozen or so left, and they've been a big hit. Gabriel has tried several times to steal one, the little sneak! So nobody wanted a piece of cake...all the kids ate a couple of the cake ball lollipops instead...and the cake is still on the island, untouched. Oh well!

After bedtime prayers, I asked Christina if she'd had a good birthday, and she said,

"Mommy, this was the best birthday ever! I love you!"

And in case you were wondering...she finally took off that tiara to go to sleep :-).

Happy Birthday Christina...I hope you dream about all the things you want to do when you turn six!

Beach Day

Earlier this summer, I made a list of things we wanted to do as a family. One such item was "trip to the beach." I though I'd try to combine two events, and asked Christina 2 weeks ago,

"Hey Christina, want to go to the beach for your birthday?"

"YEAH MOMMY! Let's go!" (Ha ha, now we can cross the beach off the list!)

So this morning, we loaded up and headed to Stewart Beach. (Last year, we went with David's brother, our sister-in-law, and their 4 kiddos when they came into town for a visit).

It was a perfect day...partly cloudy (David still got a sunburn), with a good breeze, and the waves were a tad high...but not too rough for the kids.

We got all set up, sprayed everyone down with sunscreen, and then the kids hit the water.

Gabriel loved running up and down the beach, waiting for the waves to come in around his feet. He was so cute!

David started Operation Tunnel like he does every time we go to the beach. We had a collapse last year, but it stayed up this time. Here's the construction crew in progress:

And David got these shots later in the day...genius.

One other family made this sand sculpture...very cool.

Joshua got buried in the sand too...he yelled to be unearthed once the Pringles chips were opened ;-).

Gabriel fussed over his feet being sandy...

Eventually he got over it...and sat with David for a while. We could tell he was getting tired, but he didn't go to sleep until I held him for a while.

Thank goodness there was a towel under him...he peeped not once, but twice while he slept! But the towel kept the pee off of me :-).

We had lunch and snacks later on...lots of snacks!

The last time out in the water, David brought back a hermit crab...didn't appreciate being captured, but it was cute.

I realized how much all the kids had grown after I took this pic (click here to see last year's shot). Joshua had decided he was too big for a kiddie chair (and he is)...even though only half of his head is showing.

And I had to get a frontal shot too :-).

We didn't head home until just after 5 PM. David made dinner while the kids and I unloaded the van and shook out about a quarter ton of sand from everything. I promised Christina cake ball lollipops for dessert, although we'll have cake and presents tomorrow for her actual birthday.

You know...I admit...I'm not the biggest fan of the beach...and I really don't like sand. But I asked the kids if they'd had fun...and they all said, "YEAH!"

It was worth it... even though I'm still picking sand outta my teeth ;-).