David Has a Job!

Last Wednesday, my friend Blair (who has a sweet blog of her own) PM'd me on Facebook. She said her husband's company just lost their accountant/bookkeeper. She'd passed along David's resume in the hopes the timing would be right. Well, her husband Steven facilitated the decision making process, and in short, David will be doing contract work for this company 4 days a week, starting on Wednesday! David interviewed with them on Friday and he was hired by the end of the day!!!

I still cannot believe this happened so fast! I just can't. In the past, interviews and follow-ups had taken weeks, and this all happened in one day. GOD IS SO GOOD. It is contract work to start, and we have every hope it will turn into a permanent position within the next 3 months. 

So, David will be working for a solar chemical injection pump company as their bookkeeper. The company is a subsidiary of a larger, oil and gas company. This is a great opportunity for David, as it gives him oil and gas experience and manufacturing experience, both of which can be VERY helpful for working in Houston. Our city is heavily invested in oil and gas, so this job will be so beneficial for David as he continues to cross over from a career in banking to that as a CPA/financial advisor. 

I can't even tell you all how happy I am, and how happy we are. I sometimes felt like this unemployment situation would never end, and I'd said more that once (here, and here) that while I knew God gave us this cross for a reason, it was truly hard at times. 

There were SO MANY people praying for us, I can't even list them all. It would be impossible. And I can't tell you how much that meant to us. Other friends slipped us gift cards, which were hard to accept (out of pride), but deeply appreciated. Just last week, a friend send us a few gift cards "to bring some joy to your family." Oh..it did. It so did. I was able to take my girls out to lunch for the first time in over a year. One of the gift cards was to La Madeline, so we went one day last week. I'd never taken them there before, and they loved it. I really wish this person could have witnessed the joy on my girls' faces. Just eating out is a real treat for us, and having it paid for was an extra blessing! I used a Walgreens gift card to buy the candy for Christina's slumber party this coming weekend, and a couple of other birthday party necessities. 

Yet another gift card came to us just before my 40th birthday, so David and I went out for dinner, something we hadn't done in months. Just going out without the kids is a treat in of itself...am I right all you moms out there? ;-) We haven't used a couple of the gift cards, but we plan to save them and pay it forward when God tells us it's time. Paying it forward is so awesome! It feels SO GOOD to give back to others after people have blessed us time and time again. To know people cared so much about our family...it's all I can do to not bust out crying while I type this, I'm telling you! 

We have learned so much about grace, love, humility, sacrifice, and community this summer. We thought when David was laid off the first time we had "learned our lesson." And yet, God felt we had to dig deeper, more than we'd ever thought possible. It was truly a struggle at times...heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, earth shattering. I cried so much, I probably could have filled at least one of those dried up reservoirs in California. But oh...God didn't give us more than we could handle. No...He continued to grace us, bless us, renew and restore our faith and hope in HIS plan. He send many hands to hold up this cross with us, and prayers to give us strength when we felt it was impossible to go on. 

Thank you friends. Thank you to St. Terese of Lisieux, who through her intercession, blessed David with a job and send us roses as a sign of God's grace (yes, she really did!). Thank you to our church community, St. Ignatius who supported us more than once. To everyone who offered us a prayer, a smile, a gift card, a hug, please know this. I thank God for you, for your generosity, and your kindess. I always, ALWAYS prayed for you and will continue to do so. We owe a debt that can't be repaid, but we believe it will be repaid in heaven!  

First Day of School Pics, The Struggle to Stay Happy, and Reflections on turning 40

We officially started school this week. It's hard to believe I have a freshman in high school, a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a 2nd grader, and a preschooler (PreK 3). How does this happen? Why can't they just stay little? (Insert a few sobs and a tissue here.) 

Gabriel isn't the greatest at pictures, but he let me take this one. Such a handsome little man. :-)

Christina and Theresa both wear yellow blouses and navy skirts this year. I can't believe I found a navy skort small enough for Theresa. 

I will have to pin Joshua down on Monday when he officially started school. I have a high schooler. Oh.my.gracious! 

I'm the Lead Tutor for 6th grade at Regina Caeli Academy, the same homeschool hybrid program the younger 4 kids have been in for 2 years now. Rebecca looks SO grown up in her Upper School blazer. I honestly got a bit choked up every time I saw her on Monday. My goodness...this momma can't handle this teenage girl business. And...she's technically NOT a teenager yet. Rebecca won't be 13 until January, but trust me folks, we have hit puberty. Those hormone are raggin', let me tell you!

I've been driving Joshua to and from band camp for 3 weeks. I thought he would honestly gripe about it. I mean, who really wants to get up at 6:30 AM, get to school by 7:25, and learn how to march in the Texas heat for 3 hours and then go inside for MORE practice? But I must say he's held up pretty well. He didn't hardly complain, although he did say he had to get used to holding up the baritone for longer periods that he's used to. The marching band had a pre-concert and picnic last Thursday night, and they sounded amazing...considering they'd only been rehearsing for 3 weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing Joshua play at a football game or two this fall. They already have their first game next weekend in Cypress-Fairbanks. 

As for me...I LOVE teaching 6th grade. They are not as wiggly as the 1st graders I taught last year (imagine that!) and since I'm a Lead Tutor this year, I don't have to sub at all. I substitute taught so much last year (because I was an Assistant Tutor) that I really was burnt out by the end of May. The students I have are pretty dang smart, funny, and very conversational...in a good way. I can already tell we are going to have some fantastic, Socratic discussions. Totally stoked for that and everything else this year! 

David finished up his 3 summer classes last week, and is finally DONE with school. I really wish I could have thrown this guy a party and put him on a cruise ship to Alaska. He worked SO HARD and now he has to tackle the 4 CPA exams, starting in October. So...we are not home free yet, but at least he can concentrate more time on finding a job. He has no real leads right now, so please pray for us. We started a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux 5 days ago if you would like to join us. 

I'm also trying to stay positive. It's really, really hard some days. I get tired of smiling, tired of saying, "I'm okay" when someone asks me, "How are you?" when I'm really NOT OKAY. I may be smiling, and I may act like life is a bowl of peaches. But inside...inside I am crying, screaming, praying, pleading with God and the world to 1)send David a job and 2) to stay away from me, because I'm about to fall apart, and I don't want anyone to see me. 

Our church community has truly, truly been a lifeline. We know there are literally hundreds of people praying for us. We were told to get our kids on the list for the back to school drive a few weeks ago. So all of my kids got EVERYTHING on their school supply lists. Rebecca even got the new, rolling backpack she really needed for all her books. We were so grateful to have that for them. Someone else sent us a gift card to Walmart, and still another friend gave me a whole stack of gift cards because "I'll never use these, here...you can have them." Wow. Just wow. I could barely say thank you through the tears. 

People always tell me, "I don't know how you do what you're doing." Frankly, I don't know either. I get up. I get breakfast. I go to work 2 days a week. The other days, we homeschool. I do laundry, dishes, clean up toys, go to church. All the usual things. And I pray. God...I pray SO hard, and SO much these days. I feel like caving in, giving up, and flying to the nearest desert island. Seriously ya'll...I do. But I can't give up on the hope that something AMAZING, something BEAUTIFUL, and GOD GIVEN is going to come out of this mess...this horrible, awful, unemployment situation we are in, for the 2x time in 14 months, that seems like it will NEVER, EVER end. So I keep praying for the end, but in the meantime, I keep praying for the strength and endurance to just BE. I love his quote from an awesome blog I follow, "Ramblings of a Crazy Face." Leticia says, 

"Jesus didn't come for those who have it all together. He came for those who were crying out for Him, because His love is glorified through us." 

Amen sister. Amen. I love her blog because she keeps it REAL. 

Speaking of real, I turn 40 on Monday. Yep the BIG 4-0. Looking back on the previous 4 decades (yikes...really?). I can honestly say I was a complete idiot in my 20's. No...really. I realized I needed to, well...grow up a little (okay, a lot). I feel like I finally learned what my vocation was as a wife and a mother in my 30's. I finally let go of so many things that hurt me, haunted me, and controlled me, so I could live my life the way God intended. Once I did...it was freeing. Oh, my goodnesss, SO freeing. And now? I'm looking forward to gaining more wisdom (but hopefully not gray hairs) in my 40's. HA! 

My goodness...this was a long post. Sorry for all the random thoughts just thrown together. If you're praying for us, please keep praying. Please pray for some graces, and some happy for us. We need it.

Uncle Chris and Aunt Evy's Wedding

We waited A LONG TIME for this day. But it finally happened. My little brother got married. 

He's not so little. I can't believe this is the same guy who seriously tortured me growing up. He was younger, but always stronger, so he frankly got away with a lot as a kid! He dared me to walk across 12 foot high stone walls (I never fell...and obviously lived to tell about it), ride my bike down a hill without braking, and would never let me carry the crucifix when we were altar servers.
Dang..he was a MESS I tell ya! 

Well, Chris grew up...eventually. And he married the most beautiful bride on Saturday at St. Mary's Cathedral in Austin.

Want to see pics? 

Of course you do. ;-)

Chris and Evy at the rehearsal Friday night. She's gorgeous, isn't she? 

Someone fell asleep during the proceedings. She fell asleep during the nuptial Mass the next day too! 

The rehearsal dinner was at The Clay Pit, a yummy Indian restaurant in downtown Austin. It was amazing...even Theresa ate a few bits of the curried chicken...which was a miracle in of itself. 

Chris is having a "discussion" with Christina...about heaven knows what. And they had a trio band at the restaurant, which mean dancing, giggling kids. I hope the people downstairs didn't mind hearing all those feet above them while they were eating. 

At the church the next day. Sacred Heart Cathedral is small, but beautiful. We all made it to the church on time, despite Rebeca's dress zipper getting seriously stuck at one point. I had a full blown panic attack, but David came to the rescue and got the zipper to work. Whew. My kids clean up good, don't they? ;-) 

David and I got dressed up too. I am so glad I splurged on those bow ties. My boys were rockin' them. 

During the mass, the arras and lasso were presented by Evy's parents. This was only the second time I've witnessed this beautiful Mexican wedding custom. Evy's dress was stunning. My girls said, "Mommy, when I get married, I want a dress just like Aunt Evy's." I loved her veil too. 

I didn't get a shot of the kiss, but my friend Susanna Eilers did. There was a lot whooping and cheering after that kiss! 

Photo by Susanna Eilers

The beautiful bride and handsome groom. You can't resist a man in uniform!

The reception was SO MUCH FUN. Evy and Chris chose a swinging, 1920's theme. They hired a 12 piece, swing band (they played awesome music), had a photo booth with set up with fun props for all the guests, pretty black and white feather fascinators for the girls to wear, and a black/white color scheme. My kids had a blast doing a conga line with their new aunt. 

Before they were introduced, Evy asked me to bustle her dress "because you know how to sew." Oh Lord...it's been years since I've bustled a wedding dress. I'd forgotten how small those darn hooks are...and white! They blend right in with the dress! It actually took me, Evy's mom, and 2 other bridesmaids to find all 10 hooks and eyes...but we finally got it done. Whew! 

Some more pictures of the party goin' down!

Lots of drinking...not too much though, LOL. 

And a whole lotta dancing! Chris and Evy's first dance, "At Last." So appropriate! 

The kids cut up the dance floor too. David tried to show Rebecca some jitterbug moves. 

Evy threw her bouquet right into one of her younger sister's hands! 

The garter went to my cousin, Jose. :-) 

This little lady had a great time, but boy...did she crash 5 minutes after we put her to bed that night! She's wearing one of the fascinators. I can't believe she actually kept it on the whole time. 

After 4 hours of good, hard partyin' Chris and Evy left...they made faces in the glass door at the bottom of the stairs...it was so funny! 

I finally met my Great Aunt, "Tia Linda" from Puerto Rico, who came with her two grown children Michelle and Jose. It was so wonderful to see her! She gave all of us lovely gifts, including clothes for the kids and Puerto Rican sangria, coffee, and candy. I really hope we can take a trip to Puerto Rico one day to visit her. 

Congratulations to Chris and Evy. May you live happily ever after! God bless you and your marriage! 

The Hardest Part

The hardest part about your husband being unemployed 2x in 14 months:

-Being a mom when you don't feel like it. Especially when the kids are fighting and you just yell at them because you are too dispirited to deal with them. And you just want them to SHUT UP. 

-Putting on a brave face around everyone (except maybe a handful of close, trusted friends), because you know you just can't fall apart every time asks you, "How are you doing" even though you know you could melt into a puddle on the floor. 

-Acting like everything is okay, when you know it really isn't. And you feel like a crying, screaming mess. ALL.THE.TIME. 

-Wishing you could do something besides have chicken strips and french fries and cake with the kids instead of celebrating your 16th wedding anniversary. I know...it sounds really selfish. But I was hoping David and could have gone out for a date and dinner without the kids. This is the second year in a row we have not been able to do anything on our anniversary. I just wanted to do something...anything...because we've been through so much over the past year, and it needs some recognition. But...I guess not this year...again. :-(

-Feeling so guilty whenever I do break down and cry (more times than I'd like to admit over the past 3 weeks). I wake up every morning, and it hits me with a jolt, "David doesn't have a job...and we have no income." UGH. I know I'm human and I can't keep it together all the time. But dang...enough already. 

-And...I don't wanna here anyone say, "It'll get better," or "We're praying for you," or "Something better is just around the corner," or "trust in God." You know what...I could just care less. I am sick of hearing those words over and over again. People mean well, and I'm truly grateful they do care so much...I really do. But Lord have mercy. If you really want to make me happy, hand my husband a freakin' job, mkay?"

-Knowing you're depressed and trying SO HARD to not let everything you down. But you know what? The smallest thing sets me off, and I get so angry. It takes every fiber of my being to calm down. I love my husband and my kids no matter what. But this life...I just can't do life, AND deal with all the crap that comes with being unemployed at the same freakin' time. I feel like I'm in a hole I dug myself, and it takes all my effort to not dig it deeper because nobody is offering us a rope (aka a job) right now. And we have NO idea when a job will come. (Insert sob here)

-Trying not to worry about money. Can I just say something here? I.HATE.MONEY.RIGHT.NOW. I absolutely freakin' hate it. I mean, we don't need a castle to live in, a fancy car, or a vacation home in Colorado. But we do need some money. We have a family of 7. SEVEN. So some income is kinda necessary, you know what I mean? And every time I turn around, we have to shell out money for something. Groceries, the phone bill, summer camp for Joshua, formation classes for the older kids, uniforms and school supplies for this coming school year. It never ends. It just won't end! ARGH!

Sure...I am hanging in there. Everyone tells me that, "Just hang in there." Sheesh...I hate it when people say that too. Can someone please just give me a ticket to Aruba, or someplace when I can drink a mojito and watch the sunset on a nice beach? I don't even like sand...but I'll take it over this insanity right now. 

Obviously, you're catching me in one of my not-so-pretty moments. I was doing pretty well earlier this week. But the past few days, the sadness has just been crushing me...probably because it really is taking everything I have to just get by. Everyone says I'm doing great...if only I felt that way! 

Please Jesus, forgive me for being so weak and having my very own pity party. I promise I will harder to smile more, pray more, and just surrender everything to You. This is nothing else I can offer You...just simple, sad, humble me. I'm sorry. :-( And if you're reading this...I'm sorry. This is just me...keeping it real. 

How to Survive When You Husband is Unemployed...AGAIN!

David texted me on Monday morning. 

"Got laid off this morning. Due to lack of work." 

At first I was like, "Well, okay, we've done this unemployment thing before, so we can do it again." 

I texted him back a couple of hours later:

"Did they give you any severance?" (Last go around, we got 3 months)

David replied, 

"2 weeks severance" 

I knew it wouldn't be much, if any, because he'd only worked for this company for 8 months. But honestly, I was like, "SHIT." That's not even enough to get us through the end of this month. 

Sigh. 

Man...this is really sounding like deja' vu, isn't it? ALL OVER AGAIN! 

For the first 2 days, I cried...more than I'd like to admit. I wasn't mad at David, or God, or anyone else. I was just sad. And scared. Still am. I really, really don't know why this is God's plan for us. I really thought 6 months of unemployment last year was gut-wrenching enough. Sure...we made it through, but we are still taking the financial hit, and David is still busting his butt going to school part time so he can sit for his first CPA exam in August. The study materials alone for the test cost $800. Each test cost $250...assuming you pass it the first time. If not, you gotta retake it, and that costs ANOTHER $250.
See what I mean? So getting ahead right now in terms of dollars and cents. Not happening folks. 

Ya'll...this sucks. I ain't gonna lie. This is real, this is me not pulling any punches here. THIS SUCKS. 

I had 4 BFF's take me out to breakfast Tuesday morning. We met up for daily Mass first (I really, really needed that!), and then we sat outside at the Black Walnut Cafe, ate, and they let me pour out all my fears and worries. 

I really, really needed that too. Thank you Lord for rock solid friendships. 

By the time I got back home, I had sorta formed a mental plan. I realized I couldn't let this get me down. I honestly was depressed most of last summer, and I knew I couldn't fall into that pit of despair. 'Cause it's not fun, and it sure isn't pretty, let me tell you. 

I have to look, once again, at how Jesus is helping us carry this cross, NOT at how awful and heavy it is. I have to pray, pray again, and then pray even more. My friends promised to start a novena to St. Joseph for us, so I started one too. I know some days will be harder than others. So on those days, I need to ask for help to make this cross more bearable. While I can't say I'm looking forward to the weeks, and months ahead, God has NOT forsaken us. I pray my faith will remain unshaken, confident in His love and mercy, and that He WILL provide. 

If you're reading this, please pray for us. Please pray all of David's hard work over the past year has not been in vain. Please pray that someone will see that he has excellent credentials, great work experience, is CMA certified, and will hire him...quickly. 

St. Joseph, patron saint of families, pray for us. 

St. Cajetan, patron saint of the unemployed, pray for us. 

JESUS, WE TRUST IN YOU!

Remembering

Last night, I was watching "Call the Midwife" on PBS. For those of you who follow the show, one of the midwives, Chummy, is caring for her terminally ill Mother in her home. Her Mother mentions how much she'd like a pedicure, but since her relationship with her mother is minimal, Chummy cannot bring herself to do it. Sr. Monica Joan (who often converses using long excerpts from poetry) reminds Chummy using a poem from John Keats:

"Touch has a memory. O say, love, say,

What can I do to kill it and be free

In my old liberty?"

It's obviously difficult, but Chummy finds some hand cream, massages it into her mother's hands, files her 

nails and paints them a pretty pink color. At one point, Lady Browne reaches up and tenderly touches her 

daughter's face. 

Chummy says, 

"You've never done that before. 

Lady Browne replies, 

"Yes, I have. When you were very tiny."

At that point, Chummy cannot hold herself together anymore, and breaks down...crying unashamedly while sitting next to her mother in the bed. 

Only a few hours later, Lady Browne passes from earth, and Chummy was there, lying by her side until the end, holding her hand. 

I don't know why this scene touched me so much. Probably because I relate to Chummy so much. My relationship with my mother was never a tactile one, and she was not a nurturer by nature. I only recall once in my whole life that she held me when I was upset about something as a teenager. The rest of the times she touched me...

Sigh...

Was in anger. My mother hit me, bit me, slapped me, punched me, and kicked me. More than once. More than several times. Many times. I even remember her knocking me over and then hauling me up by my hair to hit me again. She was always angry it seemed. 

I wish like Chummy I could recall a time my mother touched me with love. 

But I can't. 

What I Want Most

Last night, David and I went out to watch the NFL draft at our favorite Aggie-owned watering hole in The Woodlands, The Refuge Bar and Bistro. Honestly, it's one of the nicest places I've ever sipped a glass of merlot in. The food is good too...we split a salad last night, fried green tomatoes, topped with crab and bacon...delicious! I only wished the plate was bigger! 

On the way home, we were talking about how I'll be working this fall at the homeschool hybrid program, and how I wistfully still would prefer to stay home instead of being up at the church 2 days a week. But right now, I feel called to teach again, if only for the tuition discount and for the girls' sake...since they LOVE Regina Caeli Academy. If it were't for the reduced costs working there provides, we truly could not afford it. 

Somehow, the conversation turned to money. I was teasing David about how he's never going to buy me diamond earrings, but I'd settle for a second refrigerator since we're bursting at the seams trying to keep our one fridge stocked while feeding 5 animals children. We were holding hands, and I thought I heard a tiny catch in my husband's voice.

He said, "Well, I just can't make enough money right now. "

I turned to look at him, and indeed, he looked a little regretful. I quickly said, 

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry."

David assured me he was fine, but I just knew he wasn't. It wasn't really what I'd said, it was that he felt like HE wasn't enough.

"David...you need to know you are ALWAYS enough for me and the kids. I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world."

My husband smiled, and we continued to drive home. I wanted to say something more, but I kept quiet for a few minutes. And then, like an overflowing cup, my emotions spilled out.

"Honestly, what I want most right now is to be there for you while you finish up the CPA and start school again this summer.  I know we are in it for the long haul for the next 3.5 years while you get your MBA. If you can go to school and work full time, then I can work part time to help. I want to be as strong as I can, and help you as much as possible. In the end, I don't want to be angry and resentful. I don't want to be weak or complain that I can't pick up where you leave off. I want to do this together, because I know we can't do it apart. I don't care what anyone else does or what anyone else thinks. The only thing I want is for you to be proud of me."

My husband reached over and squeezed my hand while I tried my darndest to stop crying. The tears flowed fast and furiously...which is so not me. 

He said, "I am proud of you honey, and I love you very much."

"I love you too" I said while quickly wiped my tears away. I've tried so hard to NOT cry in front of my husband these days, because he's got enough to do without me being a weepy mess. Seriously.

The rest of the drive home was just small talk, but oh...I was so glad I told my husband what was truly on my heart. I know his words were straight from his heart. I just pray we both have the endurance to make it though the next few years. I pray we don't worry about where the money will come from, how we'll survive on little sleep, and how we'll have enough time for the kids. God's got this...He's in control. Let's just give Him the wheel and let Him drive, shall we? :-)