A Small Miracle

Last Wednesday, David called me while I was reheating leftovers for dinner.  It was only 5:45 PM, so I was pleasantly surprised (almost shocked) when he said he was on his way home.  For those of you wondering why this is such a miracle, let me explain.

David works for a photo services company as their CFO.  They put Santa and the Easter Bunny in over 100 shopping malls in the United States.  So as you can imagine, the fall and the spring are VERY busy times for his company.  This was David's second year working as CFO, so I was secretly hoping he might not have to work quite as many hours as the year before.  Ahem...I was wrong.

Most nights, my hard-workin' man would come home sometime between 8:00 and 10:00 PM.  If we were lucky, he would say good night to the kids, and spend a few minutes helping Joshua with his math homework (cause Momma + math = no bueno!).  He would only then eat a late dinner (reheated in the microwave, long after the leftovers were put away and dishes were already done) and relax for maybe an hour before hitting the sack.  He was frequently too tired to do anything else.

Now...don't get me wrong.  I'm thankful...VERY thankful my husband has a job.  A good job that pays enough to support our family of 7 and enable me to be a super SAHM (lol).  He doesn't have to travel at all, and isn't putting himself in mortal danger (like my brother) to provide for us.  I haven't forgotten to thank God every day He has blessed us with steady employment.

But Lord have mercy, the hours are long people.  Really long.  We're talking til 1:00 or 2:00 AM.  Some nights, after David got home, he'd spend a few more hours burning some serious midnight oil.  Once, he stayed at the office and didn't come home until 5:00 AM (yes AM, not PM).  I witnessed my husband wearily coax his tired eyes back onto the computer screen after I kissed him goodnight and went to bed many other nights.  I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciated his efforts to give us all enough attention, especially to the kids, knowing he'd be up for hours after we all were fast asleep.

There were times he'd call and say he was staying late at the office, and I knew I'd be making dinner, giving baths, tucking kids into bed, and doing numerous other tasks...running solo.  It was hard to offer that up...I'll be the first to admit it.  But I also knew God was answering my prayers.  For so long, I'd asked for the grace to be more patient, more loving, more giving with my time.  And God decided the perfect way to show me was to give me the opportunity to run solo...many, many nights so I could do just that.  I didn't always do the best job...there were a couple of nights I was SO tired and frankly, cranky with the kids.  But I promised myself I wouldn't cry over spilled milk.  I was going to smile, get up, and do it all over again the next day.  I told God I would do it all with the best possible attitude, and give as much love to the kids and to David as I humanly could.

And you know what?  It really wasn't so hard after a while.  I just rolled with it.  The kids drove me just as crazy, and David still came home late. There was another revelation though...I realized I had to be careful an not get angry with David on the weekends.  We all got used to Daddy being gone, so when he was home, it felt like he was "in the way," although that was certainly NOT his intent.  Poor guy!  Just saying, "I love you" several times a day when he was home helped to diffuse that resentful feeling I sometimes had.  We tried to spend one night a week together...and we actually squeezed in 3 date nights last fall...just to try and get some precious time together.

Now that the Christmas season is over, David's not so busy at work. All too soon, it's going to pick back up again for about 8 weeks before Easter.  But for right now, we're going to enjoy this period of peace...the calm before the storm.  I'm going to praise God my husband came home at 6:32 PM, sat down with us, ate dinner while his soup was still hot, gave the two youngest kids a bath and put everyone to bed before sitting down to give some attention to the dog (yes...even the dog needs some love!). 'Cause I'm tellin' y'all...it was nothing short of a miracle.

Crazy

Last Friday, when I was on Facebook at one point, my heart stopped.

I read a post about the school shooting in Conneticut. 

I started checking the news reports online. (I stopped watching the news on TV years ago.  I don't want the kids to see the ugly and bad glorified in our home). 

After reading three separate breaking news reports, I shut my laptop and wept. 

20 kids.  6 adults.  Merciful God.

By this time, Theresa had gotten up from her nap, and I had to get Joshua from school.  I held her tight, breathing in the sweet scent of her baby-fine hair.  Marveling that she was safe in my arms, while 26 families's lives would never be the same again.

I decided I would try harder over the next few days not to let things get to me.  Theresa is honestly driving me a bit batty these days.  She loves to empty out the tupperware drawer, the cereal in the pantry, climb up on the kitchen table and throw down all the napkins...dump out an entire bag of legos, and pull ornaments off the Christmas tree.

But that's really not all that awful is it?  I am sure there are 20 familes in Conneticut who would give anything to see their child's face again, to happily let them dig in the dirt in the backyard, run around with a bubble wand, eat too many cookies, or sing their favorite Christmas carol.

It has been a somber few days here...even though we are thousands of miles away from Newton.  The grief in my heart has been a constant steady ache, even though life must, and always does, go on.

Dear Jesus, please hold these precious souls and their families in your comforting arms, and bring them peace.  Amen.

Music Monday- Carol of the Bells

When I was in college, I sang in the church choir.  Among those choir members, several of us became pretty good friends.  We loved singing together.  Once, we went out to breakfast at Denny's, and we sang a few Christmas Carols acapella to all the customers and wait staff.  It was so much fun.  The director of our choir Eddie thought it would be great if we tried more accapella music.  So we'd meet up at his place on Sunday afternoons, hang out, and sing some more.  We never did perform any of the songs at Mass, but I still remember my part to a few of those lovely songs.  When I sang with the Women's Chorus at Texas A&M, small groups of us would go around campus and sing the "Hallelujah Chorus," acapella to promote our Fall Concert (back then, it's wasn't called a "flash mob," lol!).  There's nothing like singing that song in the rotunda of the Academic Building...the acoustics were amazing.  

Ever since then, I've loved acapella music.  It is HARD to sing songs with no music in the background.  No piano, no bass, no nothing!  I fell hard for Straight No Chaser years ago, but now I have a new love...Pentatonix.  They won Season 3 of "The Sing Off" on NBC, and I've been following them ever since.  Yeah...I'm a bit of a stalker.  

But...just listen to their version of "Carol of the Bells."  Seriously...it's different.  Edgy.  It rocks ya'll.  And...they're coming to Houston in March.  Who wants to go with me?  ;-)

Enjoy...you'll be hooked by these guys!  

It's Not About the Journey...

This morning, I got up.  Threw myself in and out of the shower.  Dressed.  Put a bit of makeup on.    Saw a half-dried puddle of orange juice on the floor.  Couldn't find Gabriel's sweatshirt for school,Christina didn't like the way I did her hair, so she took out the ponytails I'd carefully arranged.  Rebecca's new skirt didn't fit, even though I'd ordered it one size bigger that her old one. Really?!

Sigh...it wasn't even 8:00 o'clock yet.  

I wiped up the spilled juice.  Told Rebecca to take off the skirt and put her old one back on.  Told Christina to give back Rebecca her old skirt (which she was wearing), and put her old one back on.  At least we'd show up at school with uniforms on, right?  Found Gabriel's sweatshirt crumpled in the bottom of his backpack.  Yelled at Joshua to come downstairs with his school things, and NOT go back upstairs until it was time to go. 

Thankfully, the baby was all ready to go.  She even had her socks and shoes still on.  Hallelujah!

We finally loaded up the van and got everyone off to school.  I'm about to call the uniform company and figure out this skirt.  So far, I am not impressed.  They sent the wrong skirt for Christina the first time we ordered from them.  

Sigh again...

And...we've decided to pull Gabriel out of Regina Caeli.  Long story short...he doesn't seem to be able to handle the structure of the school day.  He is acting out, physically and emotionally, although academically he is doing great.  But...the bottom line is...the hybrid program is clearly not the best fit for him right now. 

I spend 2 heartbreaking days agonizing over what to do.  But I really knew after talking to a dear friend that bring him home was best for Gabriel.  It may not be the best thing for me...I've enjoyed my one-on-one time with Theresa and relative freedom I've had with just one child toddling after me at home.  But, we don't want school to be a constant struggle...and it's no fun dreading pick-up time...wondering if Gabriel will bring home another 2-page note from his teacher.  We've been blessed with an amazing, supportive staff at the school, and we hope to re-enroll Gabriel next fall for 1st grade.  

So...we will be at home.  The benefits are he can still continue his speech therapy just down the street from the house with a fantastic therapist.  We can try out a gymnastics or martial arts class to build his self-confidence and self-discipline.  We'll have time to go to playgroup on Wednesdays and make weekly trips to the library.  I can work with him one-on-one...a setting he clearly thrives in and loves.  We never had trouble getting the schoolwork done...even with a few distractions (like a 22 month old!); he's able to sit and get his assignments finished in about an hour with a happy attitude.  Best of all, he can be nurtured and supported by Mom...who knows and loves him the best. 

Still...I am a bit sad.  I really wanted the school to work out for Gabriel.  It's hard for me to switch gears...being the recovering control-freak perfectionist that I am.  It's hard not to take this personally, even though I've been assured by kind souls that I am not to blame.  After all, the girls are thriving (I mean, really thriving!) at Regina Caeli.  It's the simple matter that Gabriel needs more time to grow.  And I really want him to grow in a place where he feels secure (definitely not public school).  Home is obviously where he belongs.  And since I love him to pieces, I will do anything for him...even if that means swallowing my pride and stubbornness.  There's no place for that when you're a mom anyways, right?  If I reject God's plan...I'm not allowing Him to help ME grow...how silly is that? 

So...I'm also reading a great book my spiritual guide recommended.  It's called, The Land Between-Finding God in Difficult Transitions by Jeff Manion.  He writes about how to grow in our faith and trust in God when we are faced with life-changing events.  A constant parallel in the book is the story of the Israelites after their flight from Egypt and subsequent wanderings in the desert.  God constantly told them to trust Him, but they chose to complain for almost 40 years instead.  Wow...can I relate.  I'd like to kick and scream too!  Sometimes, a plane ticket to Tahiti and a pina colada to go sound SO much better that taking care of 5 kids and homeschooling!!!  Anybody want to go with me?  

Just kidding.  

All right then.  Apparently, I'm not on the same journey I thought I was.  I'm off the beaten path.  Or maybe I'm not seeing the straight and narrow.  Regardless, I'm not planning on wandering for the next 40 years in the desert.  No matter what He has in store...I'm going to TRUST in God, GROW in faith, and be OPEN to His plan.  It's surely going to be hard...but in the end, it's going to be fruitful.  It's not about the journey...it's about the promise and reward of the oasis at the end. AMEN!

P.S.  This is my new favorite song.  It sums up everything I couldn't say above.  

Endeavor's Final Farewell

Yesterday morning, David called me from work and said we should go to Ellington Field to see the space shuttle.  Endeavor was on it's way from Florida to California, and was due to make a pit stop at Ellington Field.  So David took off from work a bit early, and we drove out to see the shuttle.  

Thank goodness we stopped and got dinner at Chick-fil-A on the way.  I knew the traffic would be crazy around the airfield, but I had no idea it would be PACKED.  It took us nearly 2 hours to get there, and over one hour to get home (normally, it would be about 45 minutes each way).  Thank goodness the kids behaved...even Theresa was a trooper and didn't fuss one bit!  I read several news articles online this morning...over 20, 000 people (including us) came out to see the shuttle.  WOW.  

We were only about to see the shuttle from about 100 feet away.  The general public wasn't allowed any closer.  There was some kind of official event going on while we were there, but the gates were locked, and police officers were everywhere directing traffic.  Craziness!  For a while I though we weren't going to make it, but luckily we finally were able to park in a field, and walk up to the gates.  I took as many pictures as I could before we lost daylight.  

David hoisted me up so I could get pics over the chain link fence...thanks honey!  One kind woman took my camera and got this shot for me...just to prove David could support me...and she let me hold her very nice camera too, LOL!  (Glad I've lost 10 pounds in the past few months!). 

Not to be outdone, Rebecca decided Theresa need a little boost too. :-)

One more shot after the sun went down. 

The kids got to bed late, but they were glad we went.  David says we wouldn't even get the opportunity to see a space shuttle that close ever again.  I'm sure he's right.  Fly on Endeavor...we wish your final home was in Houston so we could see you again!  

A Prayer

Over the summer, I went through a rough period of being really angry with myself.  I wanted to smash plates.  I wanted to yell at someone, anyone.  I wanted to hop on a plane to Tahiti!

Thankfully, none of those things happened.  Although Tahiti would have been nice.  

Instead I sat.  In the quiet.  For a LONG time.  I mean...hours.  David and the kids were kind enough to stay away.  I prayed.  I thought.  I told myself it would pass.  It did. 

Funny thing...a very dear friend texted me in the middle of it all.  She promised to pray for me.  Those are the best kind of friends...the ones who say they will pray for you...and really do.  Such sweet comfort...thank you friend.   

Sometimes I write out my thoughts when I'm in this particular situation.  I'd rather scream and holler, but I know God would rather I converse with him instead.  While it's never fun to get that really hard knock over the head from God...I knew He was only doing it out of love.  And He was telling me I needed to get off my butt and stop feeling sorry for myself!  

So here goes...A Prayer.  By me. 

Dear Jesus

Please give me the courage to follow You. 

Even when I fall into despair, 

And curl up into a little ball, 

And cry because I have no strength left

To do anything else.

I am scared to see the wall I tried so hard to build

Come crashing down all around me, 

Because You long for my soul. 

However imperfect it may be. 

You pull me up out of the darkness. 

You dust me off, and wipe away my tears. 

I lack the courage to take just one step. 

But you whisper words of hope and healing. 

So I follow you, sweet Jesus. 

I am broken, I know I am shaken. 

Yet you raise my head, so I may see. 

Your perfect love covers everything.  

May your mercy and grace be enough for me. 

When you say, "I am here for you my child."

"I AM all that you need."  

I LOVE YOU.  

Amen

A Crash Course in Homeschooling

We officially started school 4 weeks ago, and I'm only now getting to post some words and pictures about it.  So far, it's going pretty well.  A few bumps, here and there, and a few major revelations for me--all good in the long run.  

The first day at Regina Caeli, I dropped the girls and Gabriel off at the church, took a couple of pics, walked them outside to the playgroup and said goodbye. I was sad to see my sweet angel boy start kindergarten, but I didn't cry.  I still have a baby at home to occupy me, thank goodness.  

The next day (Tuesday) was our first day of homeschooling.  I'm not gonna lie.  It's hard work keeping the kids on task and motivated.  Definitely more work than I expected.  Both the girls have a quite a few assignments every Tuesday and Wednesday when we school at home.  This week was more days than usual...we were "on syllabus" Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday due to the Labor Day holiday.  I breathed a sigh of relief after getting everyone off to school this morning at the church (and then taking Joshua to his middle school).  Now I'm just relaxing, and my teeny baby girl is sitting right at my feet.  I'm definitely enjoying the one-on-one time with her. 

Speaking of work, the girls have assignments in Math, Religion, Science, History, Latin, Phonics/Spelling, Language Arts, Geography (not every day), and Language Arts.  Yep...it's a lot!  But they are learning, and so far, are doing great.  Rebecca especially loves the History--right now she's reading about George Washington and the American Revolution.  Christina hasn't made any of her preferences known. ;-).  Gabriel seems to LOVE it all, especially reading. 

So...what have I learned?  Plenty I tell ya!

After the first 2 weeks, I realized that the math and reading curriculum we use in Regina Caeli are too easy for Gabriel.  They are learning phonetic sounds and numbers, which he already has a firm grasp of, thanks to 3 years of private preschool.  It's not a bad thing to go over the sounds again, since he technically may still need speech therapy.  So, I'm using the BOB readers to help him combine sounds and recognize sight words, and a harder math kindergarten workbook I found at the dollar store.  For now, I'm spending more time on the reading.  He LOVES the BOB readers, and wants to read 3 or 4 of them in one sitting.  Otherwise, we are working on fine motor skills---he can write letters if there are tracing lines, but is having some difficulty if there are no lines to follow.  But he is trying very hard, and wants to practice more...so I have plenty of pre-printed worksheets, the chalkboard from Handwriting Without Tears, and a dry-erase board so he can really go to town, erase it all by himself, and start over again.  He likes to recite the poems and has memorized them quickly.  It's good to hear him recite...I can see if he is pronouncing the words correctly.  He did have some behavioral issues at Regina Caeli which we we able to quickly nip in the butt, and he loves going to school at the church with his big sisters.  

Christina is a eager learner, but is also my most stubborn student.  She and I have butted heads several times already, with me storming out of the kitchen, and her in tears at the kitchen table.  Not good!  I knew my patience would be tested with her, and Lord have mercy...it's been a battle.  Earlier this week, I realized I HAD to STOP getting angry.  I knew this was not the way God wanted me to school my child.  It would be a LONG school year if I didn't figure out a way to teach her calmly while meeting her needs and adapting to her learning style. It finally hit me 2 days ago...she was dreading the math lessons (and no wonder, it would take her 2 hours to do 2 pages!), and she seemed to be slow at addition/subtraction with regrouping.  (It doesn't help that Mommy isn't a big fan of math either!)  I knew this could be the root of her poor attitude.  On the advice of another homeschooling friend, I had her take a placement test on Xtra Math...a free, online math program.  Sure enough, she scored a 57%.  She got all the problems right, but was too slow on just under half the problems.  So we are drilling, drilling, drilling with Xtra Math and flash cards.  Obviously she needs to be faster with her math facts--which should make her math assignments less arduous in the future.   My SIL (who also homeschools) told me about Addition/Subtraction War, which I showed the girls how to play, and they love it.  Hooray for math lessons that are FUN!  This hasn't solved all of our tussles at the table, but so far, it has really made a difference.  I still find myself having to be rather firm with her--like yesterday when it took her 10 minutes to write ONE answer to a question using a complete statement.  She was crying by the time she was done...and it took her 3 tries...even though I was as calm as a cucumber and dictated it to her 4 times.  One thing at time, right? ;-) 

Rebecca has frankly been a dream to homeschool.  She is an extremely independent learner, and prefers to do nearly everything by herself...even her Latin declensions, states and capitals, and phonograms.  Unless I have to dictate something to her, or go over an assignment orally, I can give her the syllabus, and she just runs with it.  I love seeing her discover something she didn't know before (George Washington didn't want to be the Commander in Chief, nor President of the United States, but did so out of love and duty).  She loves all the assigned reading, and makes time for supplemental materials without me even suggesting it.  I might ask her to help Christina for a minute or take the baby outside while I'm working with Gabriel, and she never says no...she readily  lends a hand.  After the first two weeks of homeschooling and Regina Caeli, I asked her if she wanted to go back to public school, and she said, "No way!"  She says everyone is so nice, and she doesn't mind all the hard work--which is gratifying because we thought public school wasn't challenging enough for her anyways.  Even the slight uncomfortable and hot uniforms don't seem to faze her too much.  What a gift homeschooling and Regina Caeli have been for her.

It's been an amazing and interesting 4 weeks.  I knew it would be a challenge, but I truly have learned as much, if not more than the kids.  I've had to draw upon my years of teaching experience (from 13 years ago!), use my old resources, book, and files, and call upon the Lord for patience so many times.  But...I believe we are in for the long haul...and it's a journey I am really looking forward to.  I am so happy I get to spend more time with my kids instead of having the logistical nightmare of driving them to and fro, all over town.  I am thankful we've been given the gift of Regina Caeli so I can get that little break 2 days a week and be home with Theresa.  Most of all, I am thrilled that I can incorporate our faith while homeschooling the kids in so many ways every day!  I am blessed beyond measure!