Remembering

Last night, I was watching "Call the Midwife" on PBS. For those of you who follow the show, one of the midwives, Chummy, is caring for her terminally ill Mother in her home. Her Mother mentions how much she'd like a pedicure, but since her relationship with her mother is minimal, Chummy cannot bring herself to do it. Sr. Monica Joan (who often converses using long excerpts from poetry) reminds Chummy using a poem from John Keats:

"Touch has a memory. O say, love, say,

What can I do to kill it and be free

In my old liberty?"

It's obviously difficult, but Chummy finds some hand cream, massages it into her mother's hands, files her 

nails and paints them a pretty pink color. At one point, Lady Browne reaches up and tenderly touches her 

daughter's face. 

Chummy says, 

"You've never done that before. 

Lady Browne replies, 

"Yes, I have. When you were very tiny."

At that point, Chummy cannot hold herself together anymore, and breaks down...crying unashamedly while sitting next to her mother in the bed. 

Only a few hours later, Lady Browne passes from earth, and Chummy was there, lying by her side until the end, holding her hand. 

I don't know why this scene touched me so much. Probably because I relate to Chummy so much. My relationship with my mother was never a tactile one, and she was not a nurturer by nature. I only recall once in my whole life that she held me when I was upset about something as a teenager. The rest of the times she touched me...

Sigh...

Was in anger. My mother hit me, bit me, slapped me, punched me, and kicked me. More than once. More than several times. Many times. I even remember her knocking me over and then hauling me up by my hair to hit me again. She was always angry it seemed. 

I wish like Chummy I could recall a time my mother touched me with love. 

But I can't. 

What I Want Most

Last night, David and I went out to watch the NFL draft at our favorite Aggie-owned watering hole in The Woodlands, The Refuge Bar and Bistro. Honestly, it's one of the nicest places I've ever sipped a glass of merlot in. The food is good too...we split a salad last night, fried green tomatoes, topped with crab and bacon...delicious! I only wished the plate was bigger! 

On the way home, we were talking about how I'll be working this fall at the homeschool hybrid program, and how I wistfully still would prefer to stay home instead of being up at the church 2 days a week. But right now, I feel called to teach again, if only for the tuition discount and for the girls' sake...since they LOVE Regina Caeli Academy. If it were't for the reduced costs working there provides, we truly could not afford it. 

Somehow, the conversation turned to money. I was teasing David about how he's never going to buy me diamond earrings, but I'd settle for a second refrigerator since we're bursting at the seams trying to keep our one fridge stocked while feeding 5 animals children. We were holding hands, and I thought I heard a tiny catch in my husband's voice.

He said, "Well, I just can't make enough money right now. "

I turned to look at him, and indeed, he looked a little regretful. I quickly said, 

"Sweetheart, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm sorry."

David assured me he was fine, but I just knew he wasn't. It wasn't really what I'd said, it was that he felt like HE wasn't enough.

"David...you need to know you are ALWAYS enough for me and the kids. I wouldn't trade that for all the money in the world."

My husband smiled, and we continued to drive home. I wanted to say something more, but I kept quiet for a few minutes. And then, like an overflowing cup, my emotions spilled out.

"Honestly, what I want most right now is to be there for you while you finish up the CPA and start school again this summer.  I know we are in it for the long haul for the next 3.5 years while you get your MBA. If you can go to school and work full time, then I can work part time to help. I want to be as strong as I can, and help you as much as possible. In the end, I don't want to be angry and resentful. I don't want to be weak or complain that I can't pick up where you leave off. I want to do this together, because I know we can't do it apart. I don't care what anyone else does or what anyone else thinks. The only thing I want is for you to be proud of me."

My husband reached over and squeezed my hand while I tried my darndest to stop crying. The tears flowed fast and furiously...which is so not me. 

He said, "I am proud of you honey, and I love you very much."

"I love you too" I said while quickly wiped my tears away. I've tried so hard to NOT cry in front of my husband these days, because he's got enough to do without me being a weepy mess. Seriously.

The rest of the drive home was just small talk, but oh...I was so glad I told my husband what was truly on my heart. I know his words were straight from his heart. I just pray we both have the endurance to make it though the next few years. I pray we don't worry about where the money will come from, how we'll survive on little sleep, and how we'll have enough time for the kids. God's got this...He's in control. Let's just give Him the wheel and let Him drive, shall we? :-)

Forgiveness Through a Child's Eyes

Both my girls had to write essays for a camp scholarship this summer. They were required to submit a true life experience that taught them something positive about forgiveness. I though I'd share their essays with you. 

For the record, I am very proud of them.  :-)

REBECCA (12)

Forgiveness is hard, but God calls us all to forgive. This is my story about my experience forgiving.

         One day my sister Christina and I were doing our school work. We are both homeschooled and still had a lot to do. When I went downstairs to sharpen my pencil, she was using one of my favorite pencils. I asked her nicely to give it back, but she said no. I got really mad at her. Then she got really annoyed and mad at me because I kept on asking her to give it back, so we started to chase each other around the house.

          When I finally gave up, I had realized we were both behind in school work and had hurt each other by our actions. I knew I needed to calm down, say a few prayers, and tell her I was sorry. That is what I did. I went to my room, got my prayer book, sat by my crucifix, and said a few prayers for myself. I asked God to help Christina forgive me.

          When I was done I knew that I had forgiven her, but I thought that I should go tell her. I went downstairs and walked to the study where she was working in. Thankfully the door was closed. I was so nervous. “What if she doesn’t accept my forgiveness and my sorry?” I asked myself. I said a few Hail Marys, and walked in.

           I went up to Christina who was working at the desk and said, “Christina, I am really sorry for demanding that pencil back. I was really selfish and it was my fault. I hope you will forgive me.” Then she said, “I am really sorry too, and I forgive you.”

           When she said that, I felt like the burden of the sin had been lifted off my shoulders; that I was free and very happy. I could get on with my day without anything or anyone holding me back because of my actions. Looking back, I think forgiveness gives you a second chance, to just remember that forgiveness is hard, but great things come from it.

CHRISTINA (9)

One time I stole my sister’s crochet hook to use for my rainbow loom. Mine broke when I was making a cupcake charm. I got very mad and I hoped it could be replaced. But my mom said we couldn’t order a new hook. So I took my older sister’s hook. When she found out that I used it without her permission, she told on me and I got very mad. I also got grounded from my rainbow loom for 2 whole weeks! But then I calmed myself down and said a sincere apology to my sister. She said,

 “It’s ok Christina,”

and she forgave me. I felt better because, I knew in my heart Jesus was happy and He forgave me too. I learned that whenever you do something that makes someone mad they will always forgive you when you apologize.

If only we could all forgive each other simply and easily, like children do. 

Worry

I'm glad a friend whose husband was out of work for a whole year gave me this gentle warning last fall. 

"Even though David has a job, the worry and stress aren't over just yet.  You need to be strong for a while longer."

I didn't think about it at the time...but I can't stop thinking about it now. 

David does have a job...and he's enjoying his new position, and I'm so happy for him.  He goes to his clients and consults with them over their financials. Crunching numbers and telling others how to run their businesses more effectively is what he loves. He passed the 2 exams he needed to earn his CMA (Certified Managerial Accounting) certification so that's another acronym next to his name...yeah!  Now he just has 6 more classes to finish, and all 4 of the CPA exams to pass this fall, and then he'll have his CPA certification.  David's hasn't made a final decision as to whether he'll get his MBA or not...but I have a feeling he's going to go for it in the fall of 2015. So while he's doing great, we're not finished yet.  

So why am I worried?

I'm worried because David is making only 2/3rds what he was before. We're both praying he will get a raise in April, but David's been so busy with work and school, he hasn't had time to talk to his boss about it yet. He's been up very late (once night he stayed up until 4:30 AM) doing spreadsheet projections for a project. It was crazy last week! I was sorry to see him up working so hard, but I knew why.  He wants to prove himself at his new job so they have no reason to be dissatisfied with his performance, and hopefully he will get that raise. I don't even have to ask David...I know that's why he's working so hard.   

David believes in a year or two, he will be back making the salary he was before, and possibly more.  I know worrying doesn't help.  It's not fun thinking about money is it?  I think worrying about finances are the worst kind of worrying when you're married, don't you? 

Sigh...

I worry what we'll do for money in the meantime.  I've sold a few things online, just to have a cushion in case of an emergency...since we don't have any extra funds right now.  I think the dishwasher is on the fritz. Our fridge's water dispenser froze up last week and I'm scared it's about to break too.  Rebecca really wanted more tennis lessons, but we just can't afford it right now, and it broke my heart to tell her no...even though she took the news like a champ. The cheapest tennis program in our area costs $500 a month...which we simply don't have right now. 

 I had to delete a post on my Facebook feed about a Catholic woman's conference in Austin this summer because I desperately want to go, but at $225 for the conference and another $300 in hotel costs...that's also out of the question. I'm human...and frankly I was jealous of the other ladies in our moms group who were registering to go today.  Ugh..I need to go to confession!  

I got burned last week by a SIL and a BIL because they didn't like the way I send out an email to the rest of the family.  I called 2 other family members to see if I'd offended them.  They said no.  So I really don't understand where the nasty, condescending words came from...because to me, they dropped out of nowhere...way out in left field, and landed smack on my head.  It hurt. And even though I went straight to confession and bawled for most of that day...it still hurts a little.  

I am doing 7 different jobs at the homeschool hybrid program my kids attend...and frankly I am miserable because I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  It's stressful for me to switch gears 1,000 times a day, even though I can do it...and I daresay I'm good at it...but it's not my strength.  When I asked to be temporarily relieved of just one of those jobs, I was told "no." Oh man..I was crushed...and I have to do all this until May.  You better believe I am asking Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...and the entire heavenly host to help me hang on until school's out.  

Geeze...those last two paragraphs really weren't about financial worries, huh?  Sorry.... :-(

Back to the main topic of this post...

 I'm worried if we'll have enough money to live and a little to save going forward.  David believes we will.  But in the meantime, we have expenses coming up.  The girls want to go to a camp this summer...and it costs $1,100 for both of them.  They are saving like mad, but realistically, they'll probably only have 1/2 the amount by the April deadline.  I hope we can get a scholarship from the camp directors for the rest.  The oldest 2 kids need braces...but we have zip money for that too.  Joshua has a Boy Scout camp this summer, and we've already had to put down a deposit for $150 (half the amount).  And...I would LOVE to help staff the ladies ACTS retreat this coming July...the same beautiful weekend that pulled me out of my pit of depression and sorrow last summer...but it's over $200 to go to that...and...I'm already not wanting to ask for financial aid to go (like I did last year).  Yeah...it's prideful...I know...it is.  Is it bad to hold on to just a tiny bit of pride?  

I guess I am not doing a great job of "letting go and letting God," even though I'm praying every day for God to just let me get through one day at a time.  I feel like I'm eating my own words because I tell people all the time, "Do what you can, and let God take care of the rest." David's job is making me worry.  His school work (and being gone 2 nights a week for classes) is stressing me out.  I'm worried about money.  I'm worried about my job and how I'll manage that until May.  I'm worried how I'll take care of the kids, the house, getting dinner on the table...without losing whatever precious brains and sanity I have left.  I'm worried about money. 

Dang..I said that already.  Dang it.  

I'd better stop now. I'm going to take Rebecca to choir practice this afternoon. While she's there, I'm going to head over to the Adoration chapel and just stay in there.  I'd be fine not leaving...just sitting there and not coming out until May.  So if you can't find me...I'll be there...asking Jesus to please help me hang on.  

Creative Frugality

This may or may not be normal in your house, but I have two crafty and fairly creative girls.  Christina got a Rainbow Loom for Christmas and promptly made an armful of bracelets, including this tiny one for her little sister: 

And Rebecca crocheted gifts for everyone last month.  My favorite one?  A green sweater for Gabriel's webkinz frog.  Christina suggested making into a hoodie.  It took Rebecca 2 days, but she did it WITHOUT a pattern.  Gracious...not even Mom can do that! 

Last but not least, the girls were checking out favecrafts.com and decided to make this today.  

Yes..I'm a bit neglectful and they haven't had a working toothbrush holder in their shared bathroom upstairs for ahem...oh, 4-5 years.  So...it's a cut down, empty shampoo bottle that is held into the wall with one of those electric socket safety covers (although I'm not sure why they're tooted as "safe."  My kids could always get them out by age 2!).  The girls covered it with some duct tape so it would pretty. Here's the instructions if you want to make one yourself:

http://www.favecrafts.com/Green-Crafting/Plastic-Bottle-Bathroom-Storage/ct/1

Like any Mom, I'm always impressed with my girls.  But crafty and frugal at the same time?  I'll take it. ;-)

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

Christmas Eve was pretty routine over here. We went to 4:00 PM Mass, and Rebecca cantored with Vienna.  I was so proud of her.  

 One sweet little girl had refused to take a nap earlier that day, so she feel asleep for about 45 minutes. I can't remember the last time that happened!  

Back home afterwards, the kids are allowed to open one present. Squeals of delight and cries of happiness...music to a Mother's ears. 

Can I just say what the best Christmas gift was this year for us?  

David's new job.

I didn't need anything else this year.  Period.  Just the fact David is employed again...I was grateful at Thanksgiving, but even more so yesterday.  I was thankful we had presents under the tree for the kids.  I was grateful we were able to put all the kids' favorite food out in the afternoon to nibble on.  Even though Rebecca came down with a stomach bug...we still had a beautiful, happy Christmas.  

Because were were up most of Christmas Eve with a sick child (thank goodness 11 year olds know how to aim!), David and I were in bed before 9:00 PM on Christmas Day!  LOL...we were exhausted! I offered up my usual prayers of gratitude, but asked God to please bless all those who:

Didn't have a job

Didn't have presents under the tree, especially those children who didn't get anything

Didn't have a warm home and a soft bed to sleep in

Didn't get the day off and had to work

Didn't have anyone to spend the holidays with

Didn't have any food to eat on Christmas Day

Didn't do anything except struggle to stay alive yesterday. 

I kept thinking how different yesterday might have been if David hadn't gotten his job. I know we would have been blessed, no matter what.  But...being unemployed is stressful...I haven't forgotten how that feels just yet. And my heart truly hurts for those who were laid off before Christmas...or will be by the end of the year.  It's never a good time to lose your job! 

Father...thank you.  Thank you once again for your gift of employment.  We didn't deserve all the graces and blessings we were given over this past year, but I pray we will be able to pay it forward some day. 

I wanted to leave you all with my favorite gift I received yesterday.  Theresa made this for me at school...and I will cherish it forever...her little hand prints in the shape of angel's wings. :-)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry Christmas 2013

Another year has come and gone for the Reisingers.  It's been eventful to say the least!   
I'll give you the run down on the kids first...going in birthday order instead of birth order, just for the heck of it. :-) 
We started the year off with Rebecca turning 11.  She requested the same cake as the previous 3 years, strawberry with strawberry cream cheese frosting.  Only one more year before she officially becomes a teenager (since she'll be 12 in January)...yikes!  Rebecca started cantoring last year during the Children's Liturgy, and graduated to the "big church" in October.  Plus, she's an Explorer in American Heritage Girls (earning 4 badges on her own), taking private tennis lessons, and is a straight A student at Regina Caeli Academy.  We're seeing a young lady growing up right before our eyes, let me tell you.  Look out world, here she comes. 

Next up, Theresa.  She turned 2 on Feb 14, our sweet Valentine gift we will always treasure.  She's tiny, but man...she sure became a mess and a half this past year.  I dare anyone to try homeschooling with a toddler!  We have to keep finding ways for her to have fun without destroying the house or the bigger kids' schoolwork.  She also had the privilege of getting ear tubes in March, and having surgery again in November to replace one of them...bless her heart.  Her one saving grace was being the easiest child to potty-train ever.  Theresa was fully trained, day and night in less than a month!  Woo hoo!  She loves giving hugs and "sugar" to anyone, including the dog and being in the nursery 2x a week while Mommy works.   

Gabriel turned 6 in February.  \ He's become a Lego fanatic (big brother got him hooked and taught him well!), and spends hours endless making different configurations of Geo-track rail for his trains.  Gabriel and Theresa do butt heads, but he's quite the little gentleman otherwise...he always runs ahead to open the door or the back yard gate for Mommy. :-)  On Monday nights, he runs to get his Cub Scout uniform on and says, "Come on Daddy, let's go...hurry up!"  He loves going to Regina Caeli and is happy to have Mommy assisting in his first grade class. 

Joshua is our lanky and lean 14-year-old.  It's hard to believe he will start high school next year!  He is still doing track at school, and we were so proud of his advancement to the Symphonic Band this fall.  Joshua continues to earn merit badges in Boy Scouts (5 so far this year), and would probably spend all day on the computer if we let him.  He gamely does his own laundry, start to finish, and is on lawn duty with Rebecca.  Oh, and he was inducted in the the National Junior Honor Society back in May.  Yeah...he's a total nerd.  It's all David's fault. ;-)  More on that later...

Sweet Christina is now 9.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  She wakes Theresa up every morning (well... okay...Theresa wakes Christina up!), serves her breakfast, gets her dressed, and fixes her hair with a cute clip or bow.  Honestly, she's the best mother's helper I could ever hope for.  Christina loves her gymnastics class, crafting, braiding her hair, and is a bit of a nerd herself, making straight A's herself at school; even though she'll sneak candy and thinks we don't know about it.  We loved watching her come into her own this past year.  So you want her?  Nope...not happening. ;-)  We need her too much!

David was laid off from his job at Trend Concepts in April.  After one initial round of interviews, he decided he needed more initials after his name.  So he hit the books (and Lone Star Community College) and is working towards his CPA certification.  He's still a nerd after all these years...he made A's in his first 5 classes.  He's already passed both tests for the CMA (Certified Managerial Accounting), and ultimately hopes to get an Executive MBA.  It was a stressful time for our family, but with the love and support of our family, friends, and a truly wonderful church community, we had the faith and strength to hang on until David was finally offered a job with Strategic CFO in October.  He really enjoys the consulting aspect of his new job.  He will travel around the city depending on where he is assigned, but the first client he was placed with is only 10-15 minutes from the house.  Kimberly isn't complaining about the short commute at all!  
Kimberly started working at the kids' home school hybrid program, Regina Caeli Academy in August.  It's been quite the transition, going back to work after 14 years of being a SAHM. But she loves being with the kids and teaching music and drama.  She went along with the 6th graders to the Houston Museum of Natural Science to see the Hall of Ancient Egypt and was just as enthralled as the kids, if not more so.  There isn't much time for sewing, blogging, crocheting, or crafting, but the household is humming along fairly well, thanks to the kids pitching in just a little more on school nights.  As long as the dishwasher is emptied and everyone has clean underwear...that's what matters, right? ;-)  
She traveled to Austin in July to stand for life, met plenty of amazing pro-life advocates, and attended the pep rally...what a rush!  On the urging of friends, she also went on an ACTS retreat last summer...a real spiritual oasis in the middle of David's job search.  God is good...all the time!  
So...what else?  We visited the San Jacinto Monument and the Battleship Texas last May with family, and welcomed home Kimberly's brother Chris after a 9 month deployment to Afghanistan.  We meet up with him at a rented house on Lake Austin over Labor Day weekend, where Uncle Chris took the kids out on the water for swimming, boating, and tubing.  Funniest thing he said? 

"I had no idea girls could scream so loud!" 

Ha ha, welcome to my world brother!  

David won tickets to Moody Garden's "Dino's Alive" exhibit and the water park (Palm Beach) over the radio, so we were able to enjoy one fun day in the sun!  The older three kids have now been to Midnight Yell Practice at Texas A&M University 3x (WHOOP!) and we're pretty sure they're as indoctrinated as any future Aggies could possibly be.  Game days are a total joy in this house...cheering for Johnny Football has never been more exciting.  A day with the football team back in February for The Aggie Experience sealed the deal.  These kids bleed maroon ya'll. Gig 'em Aggies! 
We made 2 trips to Dallas for a reunion with David's old St. Mark's youth group and Steve Angrisano came to help break open a time capsule and reminisce.  Imagine this artist singing and playing guitar for us...just a small, intimate group where the kids could run around freely.  It was awesome. We helped surprise Grandma Reisinger with a 70th birthday party in October, and got our picture taken by a family friend the same day.  We clean up good, don't we?  

David and Kimberly celebrated 15 years of marriage in June.  Wow...just wow.  Time flies when you've got five kids, a minivan, the house with the picket fence, and a dog!  But man...are we blessed.  We really are.  We weathered quite the storm this year with David's period of unemployment, but are so thankful for all the graces God sent us.  
We truly hope 2013 has been good to you and wish everyone a blessed Christmas and a joyful New Year!