First Day of School Pics, The Struggle to Stay Happy, and Reflections on turning 40

We officially started school this week. It's hard to believe I have a freshman in high school, a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a 2nd grader, and a preschooler (PreK 3). How does this happen? Why can't they just stay little? (Insert a few sobs and a tissue here.) 

Gabriel isn't the greatest at pictures, but he let me take this one. Such a handsome little man. :-)

Christina and Theresa both wear yellow blouses and navy skirts this year. I can't believe I found a navy skort small enough for Theresa. 

I will have to pin Joshua down on Monday when he officially started school. I have a high schooler. Oh.my.gracious! 

I'm the Lead Tutor for 6th grade at Regina Caeli Academy, the same homeschool hybrid program the younger 4 kids have been in for 2 years now. Rebecca looks SO grown up in her Upper School blazer. I honestly got a bit choked up every time I saw her on Monday. My goodness...this momma can't handle this teenage girl business. And...she's technically NOT a teenager yet. Rebecca won't be 13 until January, but trust me folks, we have hit puberty. Those hormone are raggin', let me tell you!

I've been driving Joshua to and from band camp for 3 weeks. I thought he would honestly gripe about it. I mean, who really wants to get up at 6:30 AM, get to school by 7:25, and learn how to march in the Texas heat for 3 hours and then go inside for MORE practice? But I must say he's held up pretty well. He didn't hardly complain, although he did say he had to get used to holding up the baritone for longer periods that he's used to. The marching band had a pre-concert and picnic last Thursday night, and they sounded amazing...considering they'd only been rehearsing for 3 weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing Joshua play at a football game or two this fall. They already have their first game next weekend in Cypress-Fairbanks. 

As for me...I LOVE teaching 6th grade. They are not as wiggly as the 1st graders I taught last year (imagine that!) and since I'm a Lead Tutor this year, I don't have to sub at all. I substitute taught so much last year (because I was an Assistant Tutor) that I really was burnt out by the end of May. The students I have are pretty dang smart, funny, and very conversational...in a good way. I can already tell we are going to have some fantastic, Socratic discussions. Totally stoked for that and everything else this year! 

David finished up his 3 summer classes last week, and is finally DONE with school. I really wish I could have thrown this guy a party and put him on a cruise ship to Alaska. He worked SO HARD and now he has to tackle the 4 CPA exams, starting in October. So...we are not home free yet, but at least he can concentrate more time on finding a job. He has no real leads right now, so please pray for us. We started a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux 5 days ago if you would like to join us. 

I'm also trying to stay positive. It's really, really hard some days. I get tired of smiling, tired of saying, "I'm okay" when someone asks me, "How are you?" when I'm really NOT OKAY. I may be smiling, and I may act like life is a bowl of peaches. But inside...inside I am crying, screaming, praying, pleading with God and the world to 1)send David a job and 2) to stay away from me, because I'm about to fall apart, and I don't want anyone to see me. 

Our church community has truly, truly been a lifeline. We know there are literally hundreds of people praying for us. We were told to get our kids on the list for the back to school drive a few weeks ago. So all of my kids got EVERYTHING on their school supply lists. Rebecca even got the new, rolling backpack she really needed for all her books. We were so grateful to have that for them. Someone else sent us a gift card to Walmart, and still another friend gave me a whole stack of gift cards because "I'll never use these, here...you can have them." Wow. Just wow. I could barely say thank you through the tears. 

People always tell me, "I don't know how you do what you're doing." Frankly, I don't know either. I get up. I get breakfast. I go to work 2 days a week. The other days, we homeschool. I do laundry, dishes, clean up toys, go to church. All the usual things. And I pray. God...I pray SO hard, and SO much these days. I feel like caving in, giving up, and flying to the nearest desert island. Seriously ya'll...I do. But I can't give up on the hope that something AMAZING, something BEAUTIFUL, and GOD GIVEN is going to come out of this mess...this horrible, awful, unemployment situation we are in, for the 2x time in 14 months, that seems like it will NEVER, EVER end. So I keep praying for the end, but in the meantime, I keep praying for the strength and endurance to just BE. I love his quote from an awesome blog I follow, "Ramblings of a Crazy Face." Leticia says, 

"Jesus didn't come for those who have it all together. He came for those who were crying out for Him, because His love is glorified through us." 

Amen sister. Amen. I love her blog because she keeps it REAL. 

Speaking of real, I turn 40 on Monday. Yep the BIG 4-0. Looking back on the previous 4 decades (yikes...really?). I can honestly say I was a complete idiot in my 20's. No...really. I realized I needed to, well...grow up a little (okay, a lot). I feel like I finally learned what my vocation was as a wife and a mother in my 30's. I finally let go of so many things that hurt me, haunted me, and controlled me, so I could live my life the way God intended. Once I did...it was freeing. Oh, my goodnesss, SO freeing. And now? I'm looking forward to gaining more wisdom (but hopefully not gray hairs) in my 40's. HA! 

My goodness...this was a long post. Sorry for all the random thoughts just thrown together. If you're praying for us, please keep praying. Please pray for some graces, and some happy for us. We need it.