Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Kirby J. Cordero March 21, 1920 - October 9, 2014

Last Thursday, my beautiful Grandma passed away. I wasn't there when she died, although I tried to get there. I didn't make it in time. While that was hard to swallow at first, I know she wasn't alone, and she was already unconscious. So to be there was really for me, and not for her. It simply wasn't God's plan. 

I always turn my phone off on my way to work, because it's policy to keep it off during school hours. For whatever reason, I forgot last Wednesday. During my planning period that afternoon, I just had a gut feeling to check it for messages. There was a slew of them from my cousin, Keith Jr. He said, 

"The ARC called me, and Grandma isn't doing well. You need to make every effort to get there." 

My heart sank, but I knew this was likely the end. Grandma had been declining slowly over the past year. After all, when you are 94 years old, you're pretty much allowed to do whatever you'd like. I knew she was ready, and Grandpa was waiting for her. He died 2 1/2 years ago...and she once told me she missed him. 

So...I got home, and had to decide quickly if I was going to San Antonio that night, or wait until Thursday morning. I really didn't want to leave the staff at school in a lurch, so I decided to prep for a sub and leave right after taking the kids to school the next day. I hit the road with my rosary, a book, and a suitcase packing with enough clothes for 3 days. I really wasn't thinking about staying, but David urged me to go ahead, and be prepared (that was the Boy Scout in him talking). 

I hit the road, and thankfully traffic wasn't too bad. I was about 45 minutes out of town when my phone rang. 

It was my Dad. 


He said, "Your grandma passed away at 9:00 this morning." 

I glanced at my dash clock. It was 9:15. 

Dang it. I didn't make it in time. :-( 

My Dad told me he was already making funeral arrangments and he would let me know ASAP when the plans were finalized. He also advised me to just go home, since there really was no point in me driving to San Antonio anymore. I'd pulled into a gas station during the conversation, because I knew I needed a few minutes to just breath. 

I hung up with my Dad, cried for about 5 minutes, then turned around and headed back home. I called the school to tell them I'd be coming back in to work. It was tempting to just go home and maybe go the Adoration chapel at church to pray, to be alone and just think. But I knew it was probably better to stay busy. I got home 1 hour later, changed clothes, and got back to the school as Latin for my 6th graders was finishing up. Everyone was surprised to see me, and they were all very kind when I told them Grandma had died. 

I was fine the rest of the day, but on way home, my heart was so heavy, and the lump in my throat was HUGE. I made it home, got the kids settled, and literally crawled into bed until it was time to take Christina to gymnastics. I so needed time to decompress. It had been a CRAZY morning, and now the reality of my last remaining grandparent leaving this earth finally hit me like a ton of bricks. 

I didn't really cry...I just closed my eyes and thought of all the things my grandma had taught me. She taught me how to play chess, checkers, solitaire, and basic embroidery. Even in her 70's, she could play 9 holes of golf with barely a handicap. Whenever we played Scrabble, she would totally annihilate everyone, because she was a crossword puzzled genius. Every morning, she would sit in her rocking chair and say her prayers. She never, ever spoke an unkind work about or about anyone. I will miss the twinkle in her eye so much. I am so thankful I have nothing but good memories of her. And...I have a little girl with her great-grandmother's hair...light brown with red highlights when the sun hits it.
Theresa's hair is so vastly different from everyone else in our house. It could only have come from my grandma. She was an angel on earth, and will be forever in heaven.  

I heard this song on the radio 2 days ago...and it instantly reminded me of my grandma's beautiful soul. It's called "One More Step" by Lindsay McCaul. 

I was maybe 12 months old
Holdin' on couches, letting go
Waving my arms, trying to walk
In that old video
You were reaching out your hands
Telling me to take a chance
You never left my side and never let me go
And then you said to me…

One more step one more try
Any moment you will find
You’re falling less and standing more
Soon you’ll run on this kitchen floor
It won’t be long just hold on and try your best
One more step

Time flies like my heart that day
My whole world about to change
I had my borrowed, had my blue
And a boy had my heart
You told me don’t forget the ring
And try to soak in everything
Standing by my side you whispered
Look at where we are…

One more step down this aisle
I will cry and you will smile
The little girl that once was mine
I’ll walk you now to your new life
The future is as bright as your white dress
One more step

Always happens way too soon
Doctor leaves a quiet room
The first to find your voice
You said, “I’m ready to go”
You asked me what I thought it’s like
Leaving this old world behind
And sitting by your side I said
You already know….

It’s one more step blink your eyes
You’ll be home on the other side
Running down the golden streets
You’ll hear a million angels sing
So one more kiss on earth is all that’s left
Before the breath of Heaven fills your chest
And you finally see His face and find your rest
One more step


Grandma...I love you. I miss you already. I'll see you again someday.






Love, 

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

David Has a Job!

Last Wednesday, my friend Blair (who has a sweet blog of her own) PM'd me on Facebook. She said her husband's company just lost their accountant/bookkeeper. She'd passed along David's resume in the hopes the timing would be right. Well, her husband Steven facilitated the decision making process, and in short, David will be doing contract work for this company 4 days a week, starting on Wednesday! David interviewed with them on Friday and he was hired by the end of the day!!!

I still cannot believe this happened so fast! I just can't. In the past, interviews and follow-ups had taken weeks, and this all happened in one day. GOD IS SO GOOD. It is contract work to start, and we have every hope it will turn into a permanent position within the next 3 months. 

So, David will be working for a solar chemical injection pump company as their bookkeeper. The company is a subsidiary of a larger, oil and gas company. This is a great opportunity for David, as it gives him oil and gas experience and manufacturing experience, both of which can be VERY helpful for working in Houston. Our city is heavily invested in oil and gas, so this job will be so beneficial for David as he continues to cross over from a career in banking to that as a CPA/financial advisor. 

I can't even tell you all how happy I am, and how happy we are. I sometimes felt like this unemployment situation would never end, and I'd said more that once (here, and here) that while I knew God gave us this cross for a reason, it was truly hard at times. 

There were SO MANY people praying for us, I can't even list them all. It would be impossible. And I can't tell you how much that meant to us. Other friends slipped us gift cards, which were hard to accept (out of pride), but deeply appreciated. Just last week, a friend send us a few gift cards "to bring some joy to your family." Oh..it did. It so did. I was able to take my girls out to lunch for the first time in over a year. One of the gift cards was to La Madeline, so we went one day last week. I'd never taken them there before, and they loved it. I really wish this person could have witnessed the joy on my girls' faces. Just eating out is a real treat for us, and having it paid for was an extra blessing! I used a Walgreens gift card to buy the candy for Christina's slumber party this coming weekend, and a couple of other birthday party necessities. 

Yet another gift card came to us just before my 40th birthday, so David and I went out for dinner, something we hadn't done in months. Just going out without the kids is a treat in of itself...am I right all you moms out there? ;-) We haven't used a couple of the gift cards, but we plan to save them and pay it forward when God tells us it's time. Paying it forward is so awesome! It feels SO GOOD to give back to others after people have blessed us time and time again. To know people cared so much about our family...it's all I can do to not bust out crying while I type this, I'm telling you! 

We have learned so much about grace, love, humility, sacrifice, and community this summer. We thought when David was laid off the first time we had "learned our lesson." And yet, God felt we had to dig deeper, more than we'd ever thought possible. It was truly a struggle at times...heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, earth shattering. I cried so much, I probably could have filled at least one of those dried up reservoirs in California. But oh...God didn't give us more than we could handle. No...He continued to grace us, bless us, renew and restore our faith and hope in HIS plan. He send many hands to hold up this cross with us, and prayers to give us strength when we felt it was impossible to go on. 

Thank you friends. Thank you to St. Terese of Lisieux, who through her intercession, blessed David with a job and send us roses as a sign of God's grace (yes, she really did!). Thank you to our church community, St. Ignatius who supported us more than once. To everyone who offered us a prayer, a smile, a gift card, a hug, please know this. I thank God for you, for your generosity, and your kindess. I always, ALWAYS prayed for you and will continue to do so. We owe a debt that can't be repaid, but we believe it will be repaid in heaven!  

Saturday, August 23, 2014

First Day of School Pics, The Struggle to Stay Happy, and Reflections on turning 40

We officially started school this week. It's hard to believe I have a freshman in high school, a 7th grader, a 5th grader, a 2nd grader, and a preschooler (PreK 3). How does this happen? Why can't they just stay little? (Insert a few sobs and a tissue here.) 

Gabriel isn't the greatest at pictures, but he let me take this one. Such a handsome little man. :-)
Christina and Theresa both wear yellow blouses and navy skirts this year. I can't believe I found a navy skort small enough for Theresa. 


I will have to pin Joshua down on Monday when he officially started school. I have a high schooler. Oh.my.gracious! 

I'm the Lead Tutor for 6th grade at Regina Caeli Academy, the same homeschool hybrid program the younger 4 kids have been in for 2 years now. Rebecca looks SO grown up in her Upper School blazer. I honestly got a bit choked up every time I saw her on Monday. My goodness...this momma can't handle this teenage girl business. And...she's technically NOT a teenager yet. Rebecca won't be 13 until January, but trust me folks, we have hit puberty. Those hormone are raggin', let me tell you!

I've been driving Joshua to and from band camp for 3 weeks. I thought he would honestly gripe about it. I mean, who really wants to get up at 6:30 AM, get to school by 7:25, and learn how to march in the Texas heat for 3 hours and then go inside for MORE practice? But I must say he's held up pretty well. He didn't hardly complain, although he did say he had to get used to holding up the baritone for longer periods that he's used to. The marching band had a pre-concert and picnic last Thursday night, and they sounded amazing...considering they'd only been rehearsing for 3 weeks. I'm looking forward to seeing Joshua play at a football game or two this fall. They already have their first game next weekend in Cypress-Fairbanks. 

As for me...I LOVE teaching 6th grade. They are not as wiggly as the 1st graders I taught last year (imagine that!) and since I'm a Lead Tutor this year, I don't have to sub at all. I substitute taught so much last year (because I was an Assistant Tutor) that I really was burnt out by the end of May. The students I have are pretty dang smart, funny, and very conversational...in a good way. I can already tell we are going to have some fantastic, Socratic discussions. Totally stoked for that and everything else this year! 

David finished up his 3 summer classes last week, and is finally DONE with school. I really wish I could have thrown this guy a party and put him on a cruise ship to Alaska. He worked SO HARD and now he has to tackle the 4 CPA exams, starting in October. So...we are not home free yet, but at least he can concentrate more time on finding a job. He has no real leads right now, so please pray for us. We started a novena to St. Therese of Lisieux 5 days ago if you would like to join us. 

I'm also trying to stay positive. It's really, really hard some days. I get tired of smiling, tired of saying, "I'm okay" when someone asks me, "How are you?" when I'm really NOT OKAY. I may be smiling, and I may act like life is a bowl of peaches. But inside...inside I am crying, screaming, praying, pleading with God and the world to 1)send David a job and 2) to stay away from me, because I'm about to fall apart, and I don't want anyone to see me. 

Our church community has truly, truly been a lifeline. We know there are literally hundreds of people praying for us. We were told to get our kids on the list for the back to school drive a few weeks ago. So all of my kids got EVERYTHING on their school supply lists. Rebecca even got the new, rolling backpack she really needed for all her books. We were so grateful to have that for them. Someone else sent us a gift card to Walmart, and still another friend gave me a whole stack of gift cards because "I'll never use these, here...you can have them." Wow. Just wow. I could barely say thank you through the tears. 

People always tell me, "I don't know how you do what you're doing." Frankly, I don't know either. I get up. I get breakfast. I go to work 2 days a week. The other days, we homeschool. I do laundry, dishes, clean up toys, go to church. All the usual things. And I pray. God...I pray SO hard, and SO much these days. I feel like caving in, giving up, and flying to the nearest desert island. Seriously ya'll...I do. But I can't give up on the hope that something AMAZING, something BEAUTIFUL, and GOD GIVEN is going to come out of this mess...this horrible, awful, unemployment situation we are in, for the 2x time in 14 months, that seems like it will NEVER, EVER end. So I keep praying for the end, but in the meantime, I keep praying for the strength and endurance to just BE. I love his quote from an awesome blog I follow, "Ramblings of a Crazy Face." Leticia says, 

"Jesus didn't come for those who have it all together. He came for those who were crying out for Him, because His love is glorified through us." 

Amen sister. Amen. I love her blog because she keeps it REAL. 

Speaking of real, I turn 40 on Monday. Yep the BIG 4-0. Looking back on the previous 4 decades (yikes...really?). I can honestly say I was a complete idiot in my 20's. No...really. I realized I needed to, well...grow up a little (okay, a lot). I feel like I finally learned what my vocation was as a wife and a mother in my 30's. I finally let go of so many things that hurt me, haunted me, and controlled me, so I could live my life the way God intended. Once I did...it was freeing. Oh, my goodnesss, SO freeing. And now? I'm looking forward to gaining more wisdom (but hopefully not gray hairs) in my 40's. HA! 

My goodness...this was a long post. Sorry for all the random thoughts just thrown together. If you're praying for us, please keep praying. Please pray for some graces, and some happy for us. We need it.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Uncle Chris and Aunt Evy's Wedding

We waited A LONG TIME for this day. But it finally happened. My little brother got married. 

He's not so little. I can't believe this is the same guy who seriously tortured me growing up. He was younger, but always stronger, so he frankly got away with a lot as a kid! He dared me to walk across 12 foot high stone walls (I never fell...and obviously lived to tell about it), ride my bike down a hill without braking, and would never let me carry the crucifix when we were altar servers.
Dang..he was a MESS I tell ya! 

Well, Chris grew up...eventually. And he married the most beautiful bride on Saturday at St. Mary's Cathedral in Austin.

Want to see pics? 

Of course you do. ;-)

Chris and Evy at the rehearsal Friday night. She's gorgeous, isn't she? 






Someone fell asleep during the proceedings. She fell asleep during the nuptial Mass the next day too! 

The rehearsal dinner was at The Clay Pit, a yummy Indian restaurant in downtown Austin. It was amazing...even Theresa ate a few bits of the curried chicken...which was a miracle in of itself. 

Chris is having a "discussion" with Christina...about heaven knows what. And they had a trio band at the restaurant, which mean dancing, giggling kids. I hope the people downstairs didn't mind hearing all those feet above them while they were eating. 



At the church the next day. Sacred Heart Cathedral is small, but beautiful. We all made it to the church on time, despite Rebeca's dress zipper getting seriously stuck at one point. I had a full blown panic attack, but David came to the rescue and got the zipper to work. Whew. My kids clean up good, don't they? ;-) 

David and I got dressed up too. I am so glad I splurged on those bow ties. My boys were rockin' them. 









During the mass, the arras and lasso were presented by Evy's parents. This was only the second time I've witnessed this beautiful Mexican wedding custom. Evy's dress was stunning. My girls said, "Mommy, when I get married, I want a dress just like Aunt Evy's." I loved her veil too. 


I didn't get a shot of the kiss, but my friend Susanna Eilers did. There was a lot whooping and cheering after that kiss! 

Photo by Susanna Eilers

The beautiful bride and handsome groom. You can't resist a man in uniform!

The reception was SO MUCH FUN. Evy and Chris chose a swinging, 1920's theme. They hired a 12 piece, swing band (they played awesome music), had a photo booth with set up with fun props for all the guests, pretty black and white feather fascinators for the girls to wear, and a black/white color scheme. My kids had a blast doing a conga line with their new aunt. 

Before they were introduced, Evy asked me to bustle her dress "because you know how to sew." Oh Lord...it's been years since I've bustled a wedding dress. I'd forgotten how small those darn hooks are...and white! They blend right in with the dress! It actually took me, Evy's mom, and 2 other bridesmaids to find all 10 hooks and eyes...but we finally got it done. Whew! 

Some more pictures of the party goin' down!

Lots of drinking...not too much though, LOL. 


And a whole lotta dancing! Chris and Evy's first dance, "At Last." So appropriate! 

The kids cut up the dance floor too. David tried to show Rebecca some jitterbug moves. 



Evy threw her bouquet right into one of her younger sister's hands! 


The garter went to my cousin, Jose. :-) 

This little lady had a great time, but boy...did she crash 5 minutes after we put her to bed that night! She's wearing one of the fascinators. I can't believe she actually kept it on the whole time. 

After 4 hours of good, hard partyin' Chris and Evy left...they made faces in the glass door at the bottom of the stairs...it was so funny! 

I finally met my Great Aunt, "Tia Linda" from Puerto Rico, who came with her two grown children Michelle and Jose. It was so wonderful to see her! She gave all of us lovely gifts, including clothes for the kids and Puerto Rican sangria, coffee, and candy. I really hope we can take a trip to Puerto Rico one day to visit her. 



Congratulations to Chris and Evy. May you live happily ever after! God bless you and your marriage! 

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Hardest Part


The hardest part about your husband being unemployed 2x in 14 months:

-Being a mom when you don't feel like it. Especially when the kids are fighting and you just yell at them because you are too dispirited to deal with them. And you just want them to SHUT UP. 

-Putting on a brave face around everyone (except maybe a handful of close, trusted friends), because you know you just can't fall apart every time asks you, "How are you doing" even though you know you could melt into a puddle on the floor. 

-Acting like everything is okay, when you know it really isn't. And you feel like a crying, screaming mess. ALL.THE.TIME. 

-Wishing you could do something besides have chicken strips and french fries and cake with the kids instead of celebrating your 16th wedding anniversary. I know...it sounds really selfish. But I was hoping David and could have gone out for a date and dinner without the kids. This is the second year in a row we have not been able to do anything on our anniversary. I just wanted to do something...anything...because we've been through so much over the past year, and it needs some recognition. But...I guess not this year...again. :-(

-Feeling so guilty whenever I do break down and cry (more times than I'd like to admit over the past 3 weeks). I wake up every morning, and it hits me with a jolt, "David doesn't have a job...and we have no income." UGH. I know I'm human and I can't keep it together all the time. But dang...enough already. 

-And...I don't wanna here anyone say, "It'll get better," or "We're praying for you," or "Something better is just around the corner," or "trust in God." You know what...I could just care less. I am sick of hearing those words over and over again. People mean well, and I'm truly grateful they do care so much...I really do. But Lord have mercy. If you really want to make me happy, hand my husband a freakin' job, mkay?"

-Knowing you're depressed and trying SO HARD to not let everything you down. But you know what? The smallest thing sets me off, and I get so angry. It takes every fiber of my being to calm down. I love my husband and my kids no matter what. But this life...I just can't do life, AND deal with all the crap that comes with being unemployed at the same freakin' time. I feel like I'm in a hole I dug myself, and it takes all my effort to not dig it deeper because nobody is offering us a rope (aka a job) right now. And we have NO idea when a job will come. (Insert sob here)

-Trying not to worry about money. Can I just say something here? I.HATE.MONEY.RIGHT.NOW. I absolutely freakin' hate it. I mean, we don't need a castle to live in, a fancy car, or a vacation home in Colorado. But we do need some money. We have a family of 7. SEVEN. So some income is kinda necessary, you know what I mean? And every time I turn around, we have to shell out money for something. Groceries, the phone bill, summer camp for Joshua, formation classes for the older kids, uniforms and school supplies for this coming school year. It never ends. It just won't end! ARGH!

Sure...I am hanging in there. Everyone tells me that, "Just hang in there." Sheesh...I hate it when people say that too. Can someone please just give me a ticket to Aruba, or someplace when I can drink a mojito and watch the sunset on a nice beach? I don't even like sand...but I'll take it over this insanity right now. 

Obviously, you're catching me in one of my not-so-pretty moments. I was doing pretty well earlier this week. But the past few days, the sadness has just been crushing me...probably because it really is taking everything I have to just get by. Everyone says I'm doing great...if only I felt that way! 

Please Jesus, forgive me for being so weak and having my very own pity party. I promise I will harder to smile more, pray more, and just surrender everything to You. This is nothing else I can offer You...just simple, sad, humble me. I'm sorry. :-( And if you're reading this...I'm sorry. This is just me...keeping it real.