A Prayer

Over the summer, I went through a rough period of being really angry with myself.  I wanted to smash plates.  I wanted to yell at someone, anyone.  I wanted to hop on a plane to Tahiti!

Thankfully, none of those things happened.  Although Tahiti would have been nice.  

Instead I sat.  In the quiet.  For a LONG time.  I mean...hours.  David and the kids were kind enough to stay away.  I prayed.  I thought.  I told myself it would pass.  It did. 

Funny thing...a very dear friend texted me in the middle of it all.  She promised to pray for me.  Those are the best kind of friends...the ones who say they will pray for you...and really do.  Such sweet comfort...thank you friend.   

Sometimes I write out my thoughts when I'm in this particular situation.  I'd rather scream and holler, but I know God would rather I converse with him instead.  While it's never fun to get that really hard knock over the head from God...I knew He was only doing it out of love.  And He was telling me I needed to get off my butt and stop feeling sorry for myself!  

So here goes...A Prayer.  By me. 

Dear Jesus

Please give me the courage to follow You. 

Even when I fall into despair, 

And curl up into a little ball, 

And cry because I have no strength left

To do anything else.

I am scared to see the wall I tried so hard to build

Come crashing down all around me, 

Because You long for my soul. 

However imperfect it may be. 

You pull me up out of the darkness. 

You dust me off, and wipe away my tears. 

I lack the courage to take just one step. 

But you whisper words of hope and healing. 

So I follow you, sweet Jesus. 

I am broken, I know I am shaken. 

Yet you raise my head, so I may see. 

Your perfect love covers everything.  

May your mercy and grace be enough for me. 

When you say, "I am here for you my child."

"I AM all that you need."  

I LOVE YOU.  

Amen