Envy

It's no fun to admit you've been going through a streak of jealously lately. 

Yes, that'd be me. 

I've been reading my friends' posts on Facebook, and a few have been able to go on some pretty dreamy vacations.  You know...to some really great places.  Like Rome.  Colorado.  New Mexico.  Florida.  Someplace cooler than Texas right now sounds REALLY nice.  You know what I mean?  Unfortunately, when you have 5 kids all your budget goes to them.  And in retrospect, I'm not upset that all our money seems to go to the kids.  I'm extremely thankful we have enough money to provide for them, even though they claim they'd skip meals if it meant they could go to Disneyworld.  Sorry guys..it doesn't quite work that way.  Heck, I'd like to go to Disneyworld myself. 

I've been envious of my husband, believe it or not.  David left his job at Sterling Bank a week ago and has a a new position as the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) at a company that puts the Santa and Easter Bunny photo sessions on at most of the major malls in the United States.  The CEO of this company has been friends with David for many years.  Recently, he made David an offer to come on board, and it was David's dream opportunity.  So after 15 years, David no longer has to wear a suit and tie, and is working with a relatively small team of very nice people.  I am truly happy for him.  But envious?  Yeah, some.  He has a lovely commute down country roads, but has been VERY, VERY busy working very long hours (I don’t envy that of course, I already work long hours!). He’s enjoying his new adventure... and I'd like a new adventure myself.   I wish I could have a change of scenery around here, instead of wiping up orange juice, hauling the toddler out of the pantry and the open box of crackers for the umpteenth time, yelling at the kids to stop bickering over the computer, and praying I just might get a nap when Theresa goes down in the afternoons. Sigh...

I wish I had more time to myself. One thing about breastfeeding...you're always on call.  Theresa will take a bottle, which the other kids wouldn't, so I should be thankful for that.  I can leave Theresa for a little while, and do on the weekends when she is asleep. And David is willing to watch all 5 kids so I can go out Wednesday night.   So I know I just have to bid my time, be patient, and love the nursing time I have with Theresa...which I really do.  I LOVE snuggling with her in the mornings, and I must say, she loves it too.

See?  Think she's spoiled? ;-)

Oh...my dear, darling hubby has this great idea.  He thinks we should take another 2 week road trip next summer, this time to Washington DC and Pennsylvania.  That would be really fun!  But I tend to look on the other side of the coin.  It's hard for me to think about all the great benefits of a trip with plenty of learning opportunities for the kids because I think well...Theresa would be 18 months old.  So that means instead of reading exhibit captions, and enjoying the sights, I'll be chasing a toddler, changing diapers, and picking up 1,000 Cheerios off a dirty restaurant floor.  I would MUCH rather take a week next summer and go on a vacation with David, just the 2 of us.  We've been able to get away for a long weekend every few years, but we haven't had a serious vacation since our honeymoon 13 years ago.  Would someone please tell me I'm not being too terribly selfish? I think David's idea is great...but I want to wait until Theresa is just a bit older. 

Here's one last thing.  I'm envious of those who have the time (and money) to work out and lose weight...I really need to lose more weight, but just can’t seem to. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact I’m just mostly home this summer, and eating carbs out of boredom. No...really?!  I shouldn't be bored with 5 kids right?  Well intellectually, I'm not bored.  We just don't have anything going on these days, and it's too dang hot to walk outside like I was doing back in May, unless I get up at 5 AM.  Oh yeah, that's right...I'm already up at 5:00 AM to nurse the baby.  Sigh..excuses, excuses.  I hate exercising anyway.  But I need to.  Sigh...

Anyway...this little jealous funk I've been in started on Monday, and yesterday, a friend posted this article on Facebook.   

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

How does God know when to send you just the right grace, right when you need it?  :-)

The author of the post has a book out, called Loving the Little Years. You bet I’m going to order a copy tonight! I think God has been trying to tell me to embrace my cross, just like Jesus did.  My cross right now happens to be jealously.  And instead of trying to avoid it, I need to face it head on, admit it, and then MOVE on.  If I have to dig my trench a little deeper, so be it! 

Thank you Lord, for reminding me not to be envious.  Mothering is NOT for wimps...and I need to stop complaining, stop being jealous, and just realize this is a great life...it's not always easy...but it's always an adventure.  I've got a crown in heaven with 5 jewels in it waiting for me.  I'd better go earn it, right? :-)