Kids and Language

Last night, I met up with my Chicks for a Girls Night Out.  Karrie was in town from NC, so it was GREAT to see her, and catch up.  We went to one of our favorite places, Olive Garden and got a table in just 10 minutes, instead of the 30 minute wait we expected. 

Our waitress was really lovely.  It's always nice to get someone who makes conversation, but is intrusive when she needs to be.  I always appreciate servers like that.  At one point, she asked us if we would be staying awhile.

We said, "Yes, we like to close down the house, is that okay?"

"Oh, please do, that's TOTALLY fine with me.  I'm so glad you all are staying.  You're the nicest group of ladies I've had in a long time."

My friend Joan asked the waitress why she looked so relieved.

The waitress said she'd had a family in to dine before us.  There was a Mom, Dad, and their two kids, a boy and a girl.  At one point, the boy said to our waitress,

"Hey, can we get some more f___ing bread?"

WHAT!?  My friends and I were agast.

Wait...it gets better.

The waitress continued her story, saying she initially was shocked this boy (who was only about 7 or 8 years old) would say something like that to her.  Her shock turned into major disappointment because the parents, instead of disciplining their son, laughed and didn't say a word.

The parents didn't do anything...at all.

We told our sweet waitress we were sorry she was subjected to that.  She said her night was much better after we came and sat in her section.  We all agreed that if we had said something like that as a kid, our mother/father would have backhanded us right then and there.  We also concluded we would never have allowed any of our children to say that word to anyone...let alone an adult without serious consequences. 
I thought (and said aloud) it was too bad those kids (and the parents) were obviously living in a barn. 

Wow.  I'm still thinking about that waitress and her story today.  Ironically, Rebecca and I had a conversation about appropriate language earlier this week.  I revisited that topic today while driving the girls to Choir Camp at our church. 

I told the girls what happened last night.  Both of them were surprised someone their age said the f-word, and even more astonished the parents didn't punish him.

Rebecca was thinking quietly for a moment.  I watched her facial expressions briefly in my rear-view mirror...and then she spoke up.

"Mommy, tell me why again the f-word isn't a nice word." 

I explained that curse words were a poor choice of language because it displayed a lack of respect.  Using curse words would only make others look down on you, and God gave us much better, kinder words to say.  The girls also told me curse words didn't sound nice, they sounded ugly.  Funny how kids can deduce that certain words aren't nice...even when they don't know their meanings. 

Christina chimed in and said,

"Mommy, if I said a bad word, not that I EVER would, you would ground me forever and ever and ever, and ever, right?"

"Yes, honey, you know I would!"  (I like the way that girl thinks :-).

Rebecca became rather passionate at one point, saying she would have refused to serve that group, sue them, etc.  But I told her the only thing she could do was pray for this family; one day might realize they would have more respect if they chose not to use curse words.  She said that was true, but I admired her spirit.  I also reminded her it was important to think before we speak (something I'm still working on!). 

I'm thankful I had the chance to talk to the girls about this, and reflect on my own choice of words. The language we use around our children is SO important. I've been reading a book, Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches.  This not some "feel good" book, and it doesn't sugar coat motherhood. It's refreshingly honest and practial wisdom from a mother of 5 (ages 5, 4, 2, 2, and 5 months!)  I read this blog post a couple of weeks ago, saw that the author also had a book out, and decided I could use a refresher course.  I thought I was outta the trenches, but then along came Theresa, so now I'm back in the dugout, so to speak. ;-)

Anyway, halfway into the book, I though...man, I could be doing a better job speaking to my kids.  I asked myself--am I building them up, or tearing them down with my words? Since Theresa was born, I've had more moments of talking down to my kids instead of being kind.  So I really need to pray for the grace to not only seize the moments when I can talk to my kids, but build them up with more positive words.  And here's another thought.  I get frustrated easily, and it's aways over something that in hindsight, wasn't such a big deal after all.  So, when something happens, do I blame my kids for the incident or take charge and responsibility for the spilled milk on the table, the laundry waiting in the dryer, or the piles of shoes by the back door?  Honestly, I know can work harder to not vent my frustration of the day on my kids. 

Have you cringed at something one of your kids said to you lately, and realize they're starting to sound like you?  I came to that not so comfortable conclusion today.  Ouch.  I'd better watch my mouth, hold my tongue, and when I do speak, remind myself to use words of praise, comfort, and love towards my kids.  It's been a good lesson...not just for my girls, but for me too.

San Antonio

The kids are loving summer, and even though all they seem to do is sit around and eat, they're really enjoying the time off from school (so am I!). We had Vacation Bible School at the end of June, and Gabriel was able to go for the first time. He cried a bit the first day I dropped him off, but he loved it, and said, "Mommy, I go back...I had fun!  Our sweet angel is getting so big!
We made a weekend trip to San Antonio 2 weeks ago to see my grandparents. For the first time, we got two hotel rooms adjacent to each other, and I must say, it was great to have our own space with Theresa while the older kids had a whole room to themselves. We got the rooms at aloft, and it was very nice, very contemporary, and resonable thanks to Hotwire.
It was the first time my Grandparents had met Theresa. Unfortunately, Grandma fell and broke her hip about a month ago. She is recovering amazingly well (the nurse say she is such a trooper) and is able to do her physical therapy to stay as mobile as possible.  Grandpa is about the same...he cannot remember things from day to day, but can make decent conversation and knows who we are.  He looks so much better than the trip I took last summer, not long after he got out of the hospital.  I pray God will grant them a little more time.

Grandpa and Grandma's room is pretty small, so David would take the older ones out after 10-15 minutes.  That was as long as Gabriel would last.   They'd go for a walk outside or to the lounge area just outside the Health Center, where there was more room for an active toddler.  But overall, the kids behaved very well.  Sometimes I worry that seeing their great-grandparents in essentially a hospital room would scare them, but I also want them to understand that growing old doesn't mean we love people any less, and they are still beautiful souls, even though their bodies are fading. 

I got a really close look at Grandma this visit.  She is bend over to one side, and can only go from her chair to the bed, but her smile was just the same, and she still has the twinkle in her eye.   I held her hand..it seemed so frail, the skin so paper thin...I could see every vein and bone.  She also had numerous bruises all over her, in various stages of healing.  It was hard to hold back the tears at one point when she told me she was sorry I had to see her under these circumstances.  But I said she had no reason to be sorry at all, and we loved her and wanted to come see her no matter what.  She said she loved me too.  It chokes me up just remembering her words again. 

Both Grandpa and Grandma were both so glad we came to visit.  Theresa was a bit of a celebrity...every nurse stopped us and wanted to hold her.  I am sure infants are a rare sight in a nursing home.  So our baby girl was passed around like a football, and she didn't mind one bit, bless her heart.  Grandpa held her for a minute while I got the pictures, and Grandma played with her toes and said she looked just like her Daddy (which is very true).  Grandma was so frail, I was afraid Thersa would bruise her if I put her on her great-grandma's lap, so that's why in the picture she's off to the side of the chair.  We were able to talk until Theresa grew tired, and started to fuss, so we left and got lunch.  We went back to the hotel and got changed for Mass, and went back to the Health Center.  It's very fortunate they have a chapel right on the grounds and a local priest comes and says Mass for the residents.  So we met up with Grandpa for Mass.  After that, we left to get dinner, then back to the hotel...the kids hit the pool, and finally, got to bed.

The next morning, we paid my grandparents one more visit before heading to the Riverwalk and taking one of the riverboat tours.  The kids hadn't gone up until this point, and they loved it, even though it was hot. I had my hands full holding the baby, so I handed the camera to Rebecca, and she took all of these pictures.  I was really impressed...she got some great shots...check it out. :-)

 We walked by the Alamo but didn't go in; the line was a mile long, and we knew the kids wouldn't last in the heat.  We got a picture outside though, amongst a million other people (seriously...it seemed very crowded for a holiday weekend). 

Lunch was at Fundruckers (so glad I saw that place before the kids talked us into McDonalds!), and then we took the kids to El Mercado...a Mexican market David and I had been to before.  The kids talked Dad into buying them guitars (of course!), and I bought another handpainted dish from one of my favorite vendors.  I'm getting to the point where I need bigger bowls to serve dinner with...maybe because our kids are eating more than ever?

After the market, we drove back home to Houston.  Theresa did amazingly well on the drive...she barely fussed on the way to San Antonio, and only cried when we were 1/2 an hour from home, and I knew she was getting hungry.  It was a long weekend for 5 kids, but I am truly thankful we were able to spend precious time with my grandparents.  Only God knows how much longer we will have them with us. 

Envy

It's no fun to admit you've been going through a streak of jealously lately. 

Yes, that'd be me. 

I've been reading my friends' posts on Facebook, and a few have been able to go on some pretty dreamy vacations.  You know...to some really great places.  Like Rome.  Colorado.  New Mexico.  Florida.  Someplace cooler than Texas right now sounds REALLY nice.  You know what I mean?  Unfortunately, when you have 5 kids all your budget goes to them.  And in retrospect, I'm not upset that all our money seems to go to the kids.  I'm extremely thankful we have enough money to provide for them, even though they claim they'd skip meals if it meant they could go to Disneyworld.  Sorry guys..it doesn't quite work that way.  Heck, I'd like to go to Disneyworld myself. 

I've been envious of my husband, believe it or not.  David left his job at Sterling Bank a week ago and has a a new position as the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) at a company that puts the Santa and Easter Bunny photo sessions on at most of the major malls in the United States.  The CEO of this company has been friends with David for many years.  Recently, he made David an offer to come on board, and it was David's dream opportunity.  So after 15 years, David no longer has to wear a suit and tie, and is working with a relatively small team of very nice people.  I am truly happy for him.  But envious?  Yeah, some.  He has a lovely commute down country roads, but has been VERY, VERY busy working very long hours (I don’t envy that of course, I already work long hours!). He’s enjoying his new adventure... and I'd like a new adventure myself.   I wish I could have a change of scenery around here, instead of wiping up orange juice, hauling the toddler out of the pantry and the open box of crackers for the umpteenth time, yelling at the kids to stop bickering over the computer, and praying I just might get a nap when Theresa goes down in the afternoons. Sigh...

I wish I had more time to myself. One thing about breastfeeding...you're always on call.  Theresa will take a bottle, which the other kids wouldn't, so I should be thankful for that.  I can leave Theresa for a little while, and do on the weekends when she is asleep. And David is willing to watch all 5 kids so I can go out Wednesday night.   So I know I just have to bid my time, be patient, and love the nursing time I have with Theresa...which I really do.  I LOVE snuggling with her in the mornings, and I must say, she loves it too.

See?  Think she's spoiled? ;-)

Oh...my dear, darling hubby has this great idea.  He thinks we should take another 2 week road trip next summer, this time to Washington DC and Pennsylvania.  That would be really fun!  But I tend to look on the other side of the coin.  It's hard for me to think about all the great benefits of a trip with plenty of learning opportunities for the kids because I think well...Theresa would be 18 months old.  So that means instead of reading exhibit captions, and enjoying the sights, I'll be chasing a toddler, changing diapers, and picking up 1,000 Cheerios off a dirty restaurant floor.  I would MUCH rather take a week next summer and go on a vacation with David, just the 2 of us.  We've been able to get away for a long weekend every few years, but we haven't had a serious vacation since our honeymoon 13 years ago.  Would someone please tell me I'm not being too terribly selfish? I think David's idea is great...but I want to wait until Theresa is just a bit older. 

Here's one last thing.  I'm envious of those who have the time (and money) to work out and lose weight...I really need to lose more weight, but just can’t seem to. I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact I’m just mostly home this summer, and eating carbs out of boredom. No...really?!  I shouldn't be bored with 5 kids right?  Well intellectually, I'm not bored.  We just don't have anything going on these days, and it's too dang hot to walk outside like I was doing back in May, unless I get up at 5 AM.  Oh yeah, that's right...I'm already up at 5:00 AM to nurse the baby.  Sigh..excuses, excuses.  I hate exercising anyway.  But I need to.  Sigh...

Anyway...this little jealous funk I've been in started on Monday, and yesterday, a friend posted this article on Facebook.   

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-is-a-calling-and-where-your-children-rank

How does God know when to send you just the right grace, right when you need it?  :-)

The author of the post has a book out, called Loving the Little Years. You bet I’m going to order a copy tonight! I think God has been trying to tell me to embrace my cross, just like Jesus did.  My cross right now happens to be jealously.  And instead of trying to avoid it, I need to face it head on, admit it, and then MOVE on.  If I have to dig my trench a little deeper, so be it! 

Thank you Lord, for reminding me not to be envious.  Mothering is NOT for wimps...and I need to stop complaining, stop being jealous, and just realize this is a great life...it's not always easy...but it's always an adventure.  I've got a crown in heaven with 5 jewels in it waiting for me.  I'd better go earn it, right? :-)