I always turn my phone off on my way to work, because it's policy to keep it off during school hours. For whatever reason, I forgot last Wednesday. During my planning period that afternoon, I just had a gut feeling to check it for messages. There was a slew of them from my cousin, Keith Jr. He said,
"The ARC called me, and Grandma isn't doing well. You need to make every effort to get there."
My heart sank, but I knew this was likely the end. Grandma had been declining slowly over the past year. After all, when you are 94 years old, you're pretty much allowed to do whatever you'd like. I knew she was ready, and Grandpa was waiting for her. He died 2 1/2 years ago...and she once told me she missed him.
So...I got home, and had to decide quickly if I was going to San Antonio that night, or wait until Thursday morning. I really didn't want to leave the staff at school in a lurch, so I decided to prep for a sub and leave right after taking the kids to school the next day. I hit the road with my rosary, a book, and a suitcase packing with enough clothes for 3 days. I really wasn't thinking about staying, but David urged me to go ahead, and be prepared (that was the Boy Scout in him talking).
I hit the road, and thankfully traffic wasn't too bad. I was about 45 minutes out of town when my phone rang.
It was my Dad.
He said, "Your grandma passed away at 9:00 this morning."
I glanced at my dash clock. It was 9:15.
Dang it. I didn't make it in time. :-(
My Dad told me he was already making funeral arrangments and he would let me know ASAP when the plans were finalized. He also advised me to just go home, since there really was no point in me driving to San Antonio anymore. I'd pulled into a gas station during the conversation, because I knew I needed a few minutes to just breath.
I hung up with my Dad, cried for about 5 minutes, then turned around and headed back home. I called the school to tell them I'd be coming back in to work. It was tempting to just go home and maybe go the Adoration chapel at church to pray, to be alone and just think. But I knew it was probably better to stay busy. I got home 1 hour later, changed clothes, and got back to the school as Latin for my 6th graders was finishing up. Everyone was surprised to see me, and they were all very kind when I told them Grandma had died.
I was fine the rest of the day, but on way home, my heart was so heavy, and the lump in my throat was HUGE. I made it home, got the kids settled, and literally crawled into bed until it was time to take Christina to gymnastics. I so needed time to decompress. It had been a CRAZY morning, and now the reality of my last remaining grandparent leaving this earth finally hit me like a ton of bricks.
I didn't really cry...I just closed my eyes and thought of all the things my grandma had taught me. She taught me how to play chess, checkers, solitaire, and basic embroidery. Even in her 70's, she could play 9 holes of golf with barely a handicap. Whenever we played Scrabble, she would totally annihilate everyone, because she was a crossword puzzled genius. Every morning, she would sit in her rocking chair and say her prayers. She never, ever spoke an unkind work about or about anyone. I will miss the twinkle in her eye so much. I am so thankful I have nothing but good memories of her. And...I have a little girl with her great-grandmother's hair...light brown with red highlights when the sun hits it.Theresa's hair is so vastly different from everyone else in our house. It could only have come from my grandma. She was an angel on earth, and will be forever in heaven.
I heard this song on the radio 2 days ago...and it instantly reminded me of my grandma's beautiful soul. It's called "One More Step" by Lindsay McCaul.
I was maybe 12 months old
Holdin' on couches, letting go
Waving my arms, trying to walk
In that old video
You were reaching out your hands
Telling me to take a chance
You never left my side and never let me go
And then you said to me…
One more step one more try
Any moment you will find
You’re falling less and standing more
Soon you’ll run on this kitchen floor
It won’t be long just hold on and try your best
One more step
Time flies like my heart that day
My whole world about to change
I had my borrowed, had my blue
And a boy had my heart
You told me don’t forget the ring
And try to soak in everything
Standing by my side you whispered
Look at where we are…
One more step down this aisle
I will cry and you will smile
The little girl that once was mine
I’ll walk you now to your new life
The future is as bright as your white dress
One more step
Always happens way too soon
Doctor leaves a quiet room
The first to find your voice
You said, “I’m ready to go”
You asked me what I thought it’s like
Leaving this old world behind
And sitting by your side I said
You already know….
It’s one more step blink your eyes
You’ll be home on the other side
Running down the golden streets
You’ll hear a million angels sing
So one more kiss on earth is all that’s left
Before the breath of Heaven fills your chest
And you finally see His face and find your rest
One more step
Grandma...I love you. I miss you already. I'll see you again someday.
Love,
