"Even though David has a job, the worry and stress aren't over just yet. You need to be strong for a while longer."
I didn't think about it at the time...but I can't stop thinking about it now.
David does have a job...and he's enjoying his new position, and I'm so happy for him. He goes to his clients and consults with them over their financials. Crunching numbers and telling others how to run their businesses more effectively is what he loves. He passed the 2 exams he needed to earn his CMA (Certified Managerial Accounting) certification so that's another acronym next to his name...yeah! Now he just has 6 more classes to finish, and all 4 of the CPA exams to pass this fall, and then he'll have his CPA certification. David's hasn't made a final decision as to whether he'll get his MBA or not...but I have a feeling he's going to go for it in the fall of 2015. So while he's doing great, we're not finished yet.
So why am I worried?
I'm worried because David is making only 2/3rds what he was before. We're both praying he will get a raise in April, but David's been so busy with work and school, he hasn't had time to talk to his boss about it yet. He's been up very late (once night he stayed up until 4:30 AM) doing spreadsheet projections for a project. It was crazy last week! I was sorry to see him up working so hard, but I knew why. He wants to prove himself at his new job so they have no reason to be dissatisfied with his performance, and hopefully he will get that raise. I don't even have to ask David...I know that's why he's working so hard.
David believes in a year or two, he will be back making the salary he was before, and possibly more. I know worrying doesn't help. It's not fun thinking about money is it? I think worrying about finances are the worst kind of worrying when you're married, don't you?
Sigh...
I worry what we'll do for money in the meantime. I've sold a few things online, just to have a cushion in case of an emergency...since we don't have any extra funds right now. I think the dishwasher is on the fritz. Our fridge's water dispenser froze up last week and I'm scared it's about to break too. Rebecca really wanted more tennis lessons, but we just can't afford it right now, and it broke my heart to tell her no...even though she took the news like a champ. The cheapest tennis program in our area costs $500 a month...which we simply don't have right now.
I had to delete a post on my Facebook feed about a Catholic woman's conference in Austin this summer because I desperately want to go, but at $225 for the conference and another $300 in hotel costs...that's also out of the question. I'm human...and frankly I was jealous of the other ladies in our moms group who were registering to go today. Ugh..I need to go to confession!
I got burned last week by a SIL and a BIL because they didn't like the way I send out an email to the rest of the family. I called 2 other family members to see if I'd offended them. They said no. So I really don't understand where the nasty, condescending words came from...because to me, they dropped out of nowhere...way out in left field, and landed smack on my head. It hurt. And even though I went straight to confession and bawled for most of that day...it still hurts a little.
I am doing 7 different jobs at the homeschool hybrid program my kids attend...and frankly I am miserable because I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It's stressful for me to switch gears 1,000 times a day, even though I can do it...and I daresay I'm good at it...but it's not my strength. When I asked to be temporarily relieved of just one of those jobs, I was told "no." Oh man..I was crushed...and I have to do all this until May. You better believe I am asking Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...and the entire heavenly host to help me hang on until school's out.
Geeze...those last two paragraphs really weren't about financial worries, huh? Sorry.... :-(
Back to the main topic of this post...
I'm worried if we'll have enough money to live and a little to save going forward. David believes we will. But in the meantime, we have expenses coming up. The girls want to go to a camp this summer...and it costs $1,100 for both of them. They are saving like mad, but realistically, they'll probably only have 1/2 the amount by the April deadline. I hope we can get a scholarship from the camp directors for the rest. The oldest 2 kids need braces...but we have zip money for that too. Joshua has a Boy Scout camp this summer, and we've already had to put down a deposit for $150 (half the amount). And...I would LOVE to help staff the ladies ACTS retreat this coming July...the same beautiful weekend that pulled me out of my pit of depression and sorrow last summer...but it's over $200 to go to that...and...I'm already not wanting to ask for financial aid to go (like I did last year). Yeah...it's prideful...I know...it is. Is it bad to hold on to just a tiny bit of pride?
I guess I am not doing a great job of "letting go and letting God," even though I'm praying every day for God to just let me get through one day at a time. I feel like I'm eating my own words because I tell people all the time, "Do what you can, and let God take care of the rest." David's job is making me worry. His school work (and being gone 2 nights a week for classes) is stressing me out. I'm worried about money. I'm worried about my job and how I'll manage that until May. I'm worried how I'll take care of the kids, the house, getting dinner on the table...without losing whatever precious brains and sanity I have left. I'm worried about money.
Dang..I said that already. Dang it.
I'd better stop now. I'm going to take Rebecca to choir practice this afternoon. While she's there, I'm going to head over to the Adoration chapel and just stay in there. I'd be fine not leaving...just sitting there and not coming out until May. So if you can't find me...I'll be there...asking Jesus to please help me hang on.
