Why Big Families Might Be Easier by Matt Archbold from the National Catholic Register.
(I'd like to say this first....the National Catholic Register ROCKS).
Archbold has 5 kids, so in my mind, he's an expert when it comes to big families. Here's part of his article (with my own thoughts sprinkled in between).
Why big families are easier:
Patience. I never have to teach patience. My children know that I can’t drop everything for them if I have a baby in my arms. This is mostly true in our house. I admit I could use more patience myself!
Work Ethic. My children have learned to work because there are always chores to do in a small house packed with little messy lunatics. And they all learn quickly that sometimes they have to clean up a mess even though they didn’t make it. All our kids except Gabriel have chores...and they do 'em...otherwise they get no TV, or computer time. Then then fight over the TV/computer. But at least the laundry was done first.
Humility. My children have learned it’s not always their turn. They’ve accepted they can’t always get their way because other people have to get their way sometimes. They’ve learned that some children are better at certain things than they are. Our kids aren't angels when it comes to sharing. But they're smart enough to not go complaining to Mom. Otherwise they get nothing! Most of the time, they're able to solve disputes on their own, because they never like my solution.
Foreign language skills. You can learn a lot of Spanish by watching ten years of Dora the Explorer that you just can’t pick up in two. And now with the Diego spin off I’m practically fluent. Yes, very true!
Laughter. The children have learned to laugh at the insane non sequiturs of younger siblings. They’ve learned that laughing just feels better when seven people are doing it along with you. Gabriel says the funniest things, especially at the dinner table. You gotta laugh at yourself too...otherwise, you're just not living.
Competition. Do I really need to go into this? Everything is a competition in big families. The children compete over who reads faster, who drinks their milk faster, who gets to the bathroom first…etc. Everything is a competition and they’re all keeping score. Lately, it's been a race to see who can get to Daddy first when he gets home. I've actually joined the race. Talk about beating back the mob...LITERALLY to get to David first. I have a few "battle wounds" to prove it!
Balance. The floor of the front room of my home is a minefield of toys and childhood paraphernalia. Just walking through the room requires great skill and balance. I’m absolutely convinced my two year old will be a favorite for Gold on the balance beam in the 2016 Olympics. (She might have to lay off the cookies a little but I’ll deal with that later.) Until I got a box for each of the kids to put on the stairs and catch all their stuff, just going up the stairs required the skill of a tight-rope walker. It's a miracle nobody has even take a bad fall on the stairs because they tripped over someone's toys.
Life isn’t fair. Sometimes you just give it to the baby because you want a little quiet. Not all the time. But sometimes. Boy, you're not kidding. Gabriel has this down to a science. All he has to do is give me or his big sister that puppy dog look, and he'll get the moon...or at the very least, the last cookie in the jar.
Just say “No.” Being able to say “no” may be the most undervalued skill in this world. The need to be liked is pervasive. The need to be cool even more so. Having brothers and sisters teaches children to say “no” about 143 times a day. It’s a good skill. I think this is personally my best skill as a mothers. And when my kids say, "WHY?" I tell them, "My no is the only reason you need!"
Praying. They learn that nothing beats praying together as a family. We've been saying the Act of Contrition every night since Rebecca made her First Reconciliation. Gabriel just turned 3, and he can say it all by himself. Not word-for-word, but he knows it. Maybe he's trying to tell us he lost my keys 2 weeks ago, 'cause we still can't find them.
Nature/Nurture. Having many children has taught me that nature has a lot more to do with who my kids are than nurture. This is helpful, especially when your children misbehave you don’t have to feel bad about it. Just say “Stupid nature!!!” and blame your spouse’s genes. Absolutely!
Namecalling. You can occasionally call your child by the wrong name and still not be considered a terrible parent. They know who you mean just from your tone. Sometimes if you need something done you can call the wrong name and someone will still show up. That helps. It really does. My kids sometimes do each other's chores because one has a test to study for, or someone is sick. Taking up the work of a sibling teaches charity...and doing something "just because." And they do laugh if I call them by the wrong name. It's one way of letting them know Mommy/Daddy isn't perfect, just human.
Spying. My children have learned that they can’t get away with anything. I have spies who look a lot like them who are willing to drop the dime on them for anything. Even at school I’ve got a child in just about every grade. If they do something I’ll hear. That keeps them nervous. And I like keeping my kids a little nervous. A little fear never hurt anyone. I like spies...I encourage my kids to tell on each other all the time. Ok, not really. But they do tell on each other...ALL THE TIME!
Friendship. The children have many friends. They’ve got girly friends, crying friends, fun loving friends, consoling friends, and crazy friends. And they all have the same last name. And they’ll be there forever for each other. No matter what. Friends will come and go, but siblings stay. I tell my kids they will always have a brother or a sister who will love them, no matter what.
Love. I think my children have learned to love because there are others around them to love and who love them. I honestly can think of no better way to teach children to love than siblings. Yes...even if your brother steals your pencils and your sister breaks your favorite toy, they're still related to you. You can't disown them. Nope, not happening!
I'm going to add one more comment to Archbold's list.
Continuing Education. I believe having 4 kids HAS been my continuing education, thank you very much! I have teaching certificate through the state of Texas...for life. After Sept 1, 1999, the state of Texas no longer issued lifetime certificates. They now issue the Standard Certificate, which must be renewed every five years. This means a person with a Standard Certificate must continously take Continuing Professional Education courses to keep their certification (150--200 hours over the 5 years). Being "older" does have its perks!
Sigh...I love having 4 kids. It means I'll probably have to start coloring my hair soon. But that's okay. Each one of our kids has taught me something different about myself. Each child in our family has their own special gifts and graces. I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
